A Winter Prophecy

Sitting on the sofa. Minding my own business. Researching. Silent clickety-click of computer keys.

Matt's voice.

"It's coming you know. The hour of apocalypse."

Glance over at him with awkward skepticism.

"The snow parking disaster. The snow parking apocalypse.

I don't know what we're going to do.

In those bleak days young men will see visions. Old men will dream dreams. Many of those old men will not survive the journey back to their apartments from their parking spots.

Look out there. It's bleak."

I look. We look.

"Look out there. Way out there is probably where we might be able to find parking."

Silence.

Matt's voice.

"Do you have a window scraper?"
"yeah."
"Do you have two?"
Exchange of a glance.
A sigh.
Silence conquers.

Solitude be gone

It looks like my last two months of solitude and relative isolation are nearly over. Chronologically:

1. Matt's back from Utah/Spain! He arrived in the states yesterday. No more living alone, baby. Or worrying about having borderline sketch people over, talking coworkers into helping me move heavy things, not bothering with clothes, smoking indoors (just foul... I blame exam stress), drinking out of the milk carton (I'm such a rebel), being scared at night, having to call a friend to help me with my flat tires, drinking my morning coffee alone, or talking to myself.

2. Phil's going to be in Milwaukee a week from tomorrow(ish)!!! This will be the first time we've seen each other since his leave ended July 5th, 2007. Prrreeetty crazy. My brain can hardly register it as reality... I'm getting all squirrely: why is it so much harder to wait a week than it was to wait a year?

And will he be more comfortable on the sofa or a cot?

Word for the wise...

Baking cookies in a breadpan (as opposed to cookie sheet)= no go.

In other breaking news:

1. I had a double candle melt-down (you know, where the liquid wax melts the surrounding stuff unevenly and it busts forth like a miniature dam exploding, extinguishing your "mood" lighting and making a mess).

2. I suspect that there's something not-right about how the gas line is connected to my oven. I think it was the smell when I turned it on that tipped me off. Either that or my cookies smell FOUL. Unless you're into that whole gas station aroma thing wafting through your kitchen...

3. I am allergic to a certain "parfum" in lotions they have at work and it makes me MASSIVELY break out within minutes. Of course lotions never identify their particular scents either, so that's really helpful to know. So for now I guess "blue bottles=bad" will have to be my operative maxim.

4. My mom is like 50 times cooler when we're not living together.

5. She's so much cooler that when I woke up the other night at 2:30am and my left arm was numb and called her convinced that I was ABOUT to have a heart attack she talked me down. I even managed to fall back asleep afterwards, despite the paralyzing fear that I might die in my sleep and not even know it. I did however have to change into cute panties first-- just in case. Grandma always advised to make sure you always have nice panties on in case you had to go to the hospital. Better safe than humiliated.

6. I keep getting into weird situations where I make cool friends, but not the kind that you can mesh with your other cool friends. Unfortunate.

7. I'm two papers, 4 exams, and 4 work shifts away from sanity and new projects. I like new projects. I also like sleep. Mmmm... sleep.

8. This is a little naughty, but I've realized why exams are so much harder for me this time around. In the past I've usually had a boyfriend around to makeout with. As HORRIBLE as it may sound, it's excellent stress relief. And endorphins are good for studying/alertness/etc. Pity. Guess I'm hitting the gym.

9. I absolutely abhor when professors assign busy-work. I'm way too cool for that shit.

10. I'm coming down with a cold. Don't share anything with me, and keep your Purrell handy.

11. Bubble baths don't solve everything.

12. Trucks going over potholes in the middle of the night might sound like an intruder opening your front door. But don't be fooled. Cuz you'll look like an idiot.

13. Little I say in the first 10 minutes after I wake up can be trusted. Especially if it has anything to do with cornmeal, the song "Good Vibrations," or scooters.

14. Pussy willows are an excellent substitute for baby's breath in a bouquet on your kitchen table in the spring. For real.

15. Living alone=increased cell phone minute usage.

16. Bubblemix is not an acceptable substitute for hand soap.

17. Bubblemix is not an acceptable substitute for dish soap.

18. Bubblemix makes furniture sticky. ... and is not an acceptable furniture cleaner.

19. Febreeze is not an acceptable substitute for laundering clothes.

20. "Ironing" dresses by hanging them up while you take a sinfully long shower has its distinct limitations.

annnnnd that's about all I got.

Return of the Dan'l

(Why does that read so uncannily much like "Devil" when I read it fast??)

At any rate, remember how I was missing this guy? Well he's back and bad as ever. There was no snow to shovel today, but soon enough.

Instead I had him help me out with a "current events" presentation I had- by that I mean I had him find me an article given a few basic criteria and start me up on what could be said on it. This was very helpful as I was still finishing up my other 8 page paper I needed to turn in today for my communications class about one of my other brothers, and what a good communicator he is based on our text. That was fun.

Anyways, after that I took Dan'l to campus with me and he read a whole book- the one I've been taking with me EVERYWHERE the last two months, always meaning to read, but never found the time to. It's called Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I'm a little jealous he got to read it today, but pretty inspired. If he can do it...

Then we swung by the only Trader Joe's in Milwaukee which happens to be a couple blocks from Cardinal Stritch and picked up something to make for dinner tonight. We're going asian and it's going to be awesome-- shamefully easy to prepare. That would be a win-win-win.

After that we tried to drive home. When I say tried, what I mean is between the slushy wetness, sleet, saltiness, my being out of washer-fluid, and WORST OF ALL having busted up wipers (they froze to the windshield without my realizing it and one of them snapped all crooked when I tried to turn them on) it just wasn't happening. You could hardly discern the shape of a car 10 ft in front of you, much less stop signs. So we stopped at a gas station. They of course didn't have any, but next door (without our realizing it) was a hardware type store and we got some there... after several trips to the car to figure out what type to get. Not only did I not know how long mine are, I also couldn't remember what the hell time of car I have. "Saturn" didn't cut it somehow. Picky, picky hardware men. I ended up just saying it's a wagon and making up the year. So then we embarked upon changing them, and believe it or not, between the two of us Dan'l and I CAN figure out how to change a set of windshield wipers! It amused me how both of us first tried it ourselves, then switched to trying to read the instructions, took one look at the instructions and went back to trying to figure it out ourselves. Whatever. It worked. We had a strangely disproportionate sense of accomplishment afterwards, but hey. Get your kicks where you can, right?

Since we got home Dan'l's been setting up his own blog with which to dazzle us all. It should be available for your enjoyment in the near future here: Hope is the Thing with Feathers.

Why Stress? Delegate

OR: I've been taking gross advantage of my momma lately. ... But I think she likes it.

So yeah, I've had a lot going on with school and work and what have you lately. Plus, however much I gripe and moan about not sleeping enough on here, the fact is with my warped schedule when I actually DO have time to sleep I find that I'm not mentally prepared to: I get all anxious and can't.

But on the bright side, my mother is easily obtained to delegate tasks to when they're stressing me out. For example: Taxes. Seeing as how I didn't file for taxes last year until August or September, I know you all must be surprised that I'm filing early this year. But that's only because I haven't been making my tuition payments on time this semester and needed the cash to get caught up. Smooth. Buuuuut I just haven't had time to figure out the whole turbotax program and what have you, and as much as I heart H&R Block, so long as there's nothing horribly wrong with your taxes (eg, you're filing way late and haven't filed the year preceding and have multiple states, etc.) you might as well save your money and do it yourself. Sooooo I dropped a few hints and delegated to my all-too-willing momma.

And then there was the 50 year old women in several of my nursing classes going back to school because she's in the middle of an icky divorce and well.. you know... life changes. It'd been quite a while since she'd written a paper. So right, after draft 3 I was running out of time to do revisions and supposed to meet her again after class to go over it again. And there was mom. Soooo I told her my classmates sob story and soon enough I had delegated AGAIN and mom was revising her paper as I showered, brushed my teeth, and got ready for class. Excellent. She made all the same revisions I would have- and was more pleasant about it than I would have been, nonetheless.

So here is the question, really. My mom is willing to do these things for me, and it gives us things to talk about and what have you. Yet... I am technically taking advantage of her kindness. Then again... think of how many people you know who would be better off if they let their mothers do a thing or two for them. Everyone would be happier. Mom's like to help. Then again.... usery. Interesting conundrum.

Either I'm rather wise or heinously selfish.

"Merry Christmas!!" or "We built a Snowman!!"

Okay, technically I don't have much to say about Christmas. It was really good. My family's fantabulous. I wish Phil could have been there. That pretty much sums it up! So I'm just going to say it was good, and joyful, and Christ was born! Everything is how it should be, I guess.

So about that snowman. Today was a beautiful snowy day, so Dan'l and I set out to play:

















We built a lovely SnowMan named Reggie:

Dan'l didn't get along very well with Reggie:





















Or me:





















So I deactivated him.

YAAAYY Snowman Fun!!

I wonder how my 9 siblings (including spouses) feel...

...about the fact that they all voted me as the most likely of us all to become famous on ShabbyChic's blog. It's not like people who don't know any better are responsible for my tripling anyone else's votes and having the 60% majority... only family members even have access to ShabbyChic's blog. I had my money on Chris, personally.

So... yeah. I can't help but wonder what exactly you guys think I'm supposed to become famous for? I have a few thoughts:

1. Constructer of the world's largest snowman.
2. Professional ice sculptor. (I'm also handy with chainsaws. Chopped down a whole grove of orange sapplings with one once. No joke.)
3. Inventor of the "Fresh!" pee-evaporator.
4. Kick-ass gardener with kick-ass trophy-worthy fruits and vegetables at the state fair... like award-winning eggplants and stuff. State Fair trophies aren't grounds for being famous, though. Maybe I should shoot higher.
5. Holding the world record for being perfectly healthy and sleeping the longest without waking up. I'm currently at 16 sweet love uninterrupted hours.

I dunno, guys. I don't want to let you down, but... At any rate, dissappointment or not, I guess it's better to be me than a boring old ordinary sibling of mine... :o)

Cha-ching!!

I finished selling my car to a super cool guy named Egor today!! I'm so freaking happy!

It was kinda ridiculous though... pretty much everything that could have been embarrassing was. I told him coming between 5 and 6 tonight would work out great. Then he showed up, but for some reason our doorbell wasn't working so they were out there forever and finally called the house... while we were in the middle of my mom's birthday dinner that I wasn't told was going to happen until after I committed to a time to him. So right, I go get the door and they come in- and someone moved all my paperwork, the title, the bill of sale, and what not. So RIGHT I go searching all over for it like an idiot while they're standing there uncomfortably.

In the meantime happy family sounds and laughter can be heard intermingled with childish squeals of both delight and dismay from my neice and nephew. And THEN they all start singing happy birthday.. and this guy is SO UNCOMFORTABLE. He and his brother (who drove with them there so he could pick up the car) just looked at each other with this pained awkward look and he started apologizing and saying I should have told him. But the thing is I didn't KNOW we're were doing a birthday thing until he was already on his way! So right... what do I do? I lie, of course! Like a total idiot, I go right ahead without batting an eye and lie in a feeble attempt to make them feel more at ease. And it wasn't even a GOOD lie. I make up a family member who's birthday it is like "my brother in law's brother" trying to make it seem more distant and try to explain that I didn't know about the birthday thing until the last minute myself. So then they're slightly more comfortable... but then in walks my adorable little neice! So they strikes up an amiable conversation with her... and she offers that it's her Grandma's birthday... right after I introduce her as my neice. They know it's my parents house. *slaps forehead* What sort of daughter am I, anyways?? So right, I looked quickly down at my paperwork trying to suppress an embarrassed grin and pretending not to notice. Again... squirmingly awkward.

So right! I ran outside to get the odometer reading for on the title, and guess what. I can't get the door open. The car's been just sitting outside the last couple weeks and in the meantime it snowed a few days ago and then rained on top of it and then turned all that snow slush into a thick 5 inch crust of ice on everything. So I'm trying and trying and trying other doors and trying... no luck. Finally I have to go back inside and red-faced explain this to them. So they come out to help. Still no luck. Then I go inside to see if my dad has a crowbar or something we can use to pry it and they tell me I need to use a hair dryer and an extension cord. So just as I'm shamefacedly trudging back outside, gay-ass hair dryer in hand instead of a manly crowbar, he calls out that he got it open. Huzzah!! Close call. For real. I really didn't want to go out there like a girl with a hair dryer. I mean, I AM a girl. But it's a CAR we're "working on" here! And crowbars are manly; hair dryers are girly gay. Anyways.

They had brought lightbulbs for the headlight that was out, and so when he went to change it... turns out it was just in there loose and all I had to do was twist it more! Eesh. Why didn't I think of that? And then we tried to move the car from the ice-covered drift it was embedded in. The shovel was pretty much ineffective because the ice was harder and thicker. We were pushing and pushing and shoveling and pushing and finally got it loose. It was pretty silly and took a full hour for everything all told. But fun. They were damn good sports and made me laugh.

The only problem was it was my mom's Birthday and apparently the reason they were having the birthday dinner was so I could be there to give mom her Christmas-Birthday Present (Bose ipod dock... sweeeeetness!!), and then I ended up missing it afterall.... there was a wee bit of harumphing and unpleasantry about me. I'm such an uncanny bad guy. It was pretty unfortunate that would should have been a pretty quick exchange- sign the title, do a keys-for-cash handoff, and give a friendly wave buh bye-, ended up being such a fiasco. Why does it seem like every time one thing gets done, another gets messed up! Oh well. Do whatcha gotta do.

I'm just so glad that Egor is as happy about the whole deal as I am...

Unnecessary Force: starring Cristobal

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Chris is perfect for this role. For real, yo. I guess that's what teaching 8th graders in Chicago does to you...

Followin' the Crowd

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!
So everybody ELSE has jibjab videos... so I thought I'd share one of my own creations. Also, I have a family flick coming out soon, too...

New Hat

So my momma knitted me a new hat for my smoke breaks!! Well... she hates that I smoke. But she should have known that would be it's primary function...

Family Christmas Present Exchange (FCPE)

So since there's so many people in my generation in the family (brothers, sisters, cousins)... far too many to get everyone Christmas presents... we've traditionally always picked names to determine who we got a present for, and anything else was above and beyond the call of duty. So last year we started a new game where we didn't pick names, but each just got one present that we put "in the pot" so to speak. Kind of like a White Elephant gift exchange. Except you have the option of picking a new present from the pile or "stealing" one from someone else who went before you. Not really in the Christmas spirit exactly, but pretty fun.

At any rate, I'm determined to get a cool present worthy of being stolen during the present exchange, but need some inspiration. It's particularly difficult because I don't know what age, sex, interests, etc. to aim for. We're talking about gifts for an age range of anywhere between 19-32. Price range about $30. Any suggestions?

Who says you need to have kids to post pictures of them? Childbirth, schmildbirth.

So this is a picture of my toooootally sweet and adorable neice Barbara and myself. I'm trying to prove to the world that I do, in fact, still have all my teeth (unlike many less fortunate individuals). And as a way of introduction for Barbara, she is an incredibly perceptive individual, a proficient draw-er and fluent in tracing. For more information and to see some of her work, go here. Portfolio coming soon.

She is my pride and joy. (Excepting the fact that she's someone else's child... of course...)

ANYWAYS! That's that.





















And this... well. This is a pic of me dubbed by Liz:
"Sultry Mags: Queen of Tarantulas."

Neti Pots

Okay, I am now officially a Neti Pot convert.

My dear brother Matt, a daily jala neti practitioner for some time now, got me a pot (SinuCleanse being readily available at local pharmacies, and incidentally formulated and marketed by my second cousin, Diane Heatley, M.D. I've got an awesome family, what can I say.) because I was coming down with a cold and my sinuses were clearly stuffed up. Not only is this the fastest recovery time I've ever had for a cold, but I can BREATH BETTER than normally, even while sick! It's crazy how much better I can breathe, I'm in shock. Also, it's been helping me sleep through the night... I've known for a long time I have some mild form of sleep apnea, common enough but whatcha gonna do really... but I've noticed I wake up a lot less and am not as restless while sleeping since I started netiing daily. It's fantastic.

I think everybody should start cleaning their noses as often as their teeth.

Also, it helps with allergies, nasal congestion, dry air, post-smoking or being around a campfire getting all that crap out, shortening the length of a cold, post-nasal drip, all sorts of things. So yeah. Get a neti pot, guys. It's great.

Homeless in Wisconsin... again.

Okay, so not HOMELESS per se. I'm moved back in with my parents temporarily, as our lease is up and Matt's moving to Utah. I think I'm sad about it because I REALLY loved our place... but it'll be good for Matt and I to have some space, that much less bills to pay, and more than anything I'm just relieved. Moving really sucks!!

Thank goodness I'm done with all that... for now.

Speaking of my neice...

She's been coloring pictures for Phil all afternoon because she has this new "how to draw a bazillion animals" book from the library, and apparently Phil's a pretense for her to hold me captive as an audience.

So, right. She asked me what his favorite animal was. My instinct was to blurt out "armadillo," but on second thought I decided to go with the Kangaroo Mouse. I mean seriously, how could it not be?

She asked what that was so I explained them to her and she says, "Oh, right." And then two minutes later she asks, "So do you know MY favorite animal Aunt Maggie?" She'd changed her mind again, though, because now after hearing about kangaroo mice she's decided her favorite animal is the Lion Rat.

Do I joke that much that I'm not even credible to a 4 year old?

RACQUETBALL!!

So this whole last week my sister Becky and I have been playing racquetball for a couple hours every day. It's been AWESOME. The first day we had some discrepencies on what we imagined that we remembered the rules to be so we opted for Calvinball, but we've been getting pretty competitive. Every day our rallies last longer, our saves get sexier, and we develop more new and interesting geometrical perplexities to stump each other with. I love it. Not to mention the echo factor is really fun for singing. I'm really happy about it. If anyone wants to come visit me and play, they're more than welcome to!

Goose-Kicking

Today my all my sisters and I took my neice and nephew in their stroller down to the parkway to see all the baby ducks and geese.

One of the ducks was freaking my sister out (whine, whine, whine!), so for the second time in my life I kicked a mean ol' hissing goose as hard as I could in the gut.

The first time was far more noble... and necessity was definitely a bit more of a factor.... I took some little kids I was babysitting to the parkway to play and explore and whatnot, and this goose attacked the two year old!! Damn cocky, over-confident, self-important geese. So anyways, I kicked it. Hard. And it backed off... the hissing was incessant from all the geese in the whole park after that though, but we left soon. Poor lil boy. He was scared of geese for a while after that, so I kept taking him (armed with a big "walking stick") and he got over it. But anyways.

Moral of the story is: if a goose is ever giving you trouble, just kick it as hard as you can. Because it WILL attack your small child.

This would be me freaking starting to blog again

So, right.

I applied for a new job, had an interview that went really well, and it's looking WAY optimistic. I find out for sure if I've got it (and maybe have a second interview) before the end of next week. Ooooooh la la. Better money. Working with my cousin Mike (asianKP's bro). Tons of growth potential. Much more fun. And most importantly, not B-O-R-I-N-G like my current place of employment. Soon, I will hopefully finally have a real "adult job" with a steady income. Call me and I'll take you out for an icecream cone. My treat. (xo Phil :))

Other than that, I went down to Chicago last night. Lotsa drinking, good company, good food, good time. Per usual.

Also, my dad had prostate cancer a couple years back. He had surgery to have it removed and they said it was all gone. He goes back for regular check ups for the last couple years, and on Wednesday he found out that apparently it's still there. More news once he goes back in again next week. Also, he has another hernia. Which means another surgery. Pray for him, please. Pray hard.

Annnnnnnd yeah. Dan the Climber Man is back in town, on a happier note. Bless his soul! I haven't got to see him yet, but I'm sure much merriment and playtime shall follow his return. I'm told he said that he "Ate the Hell" outta the cookies I sent him. Whatta guy. Ain't he cute?

Also, I made a new resolution for the remaining time I spend at the car rental agency. I now have a zero-tolerance policy for people who swear at me. I will inform them of my policy once they breach it and tell them that if they cannot conduct business with me without getting up in my face and cussing at me, then they can go someplace else. Otherwise, I'm calling the sheriff. And if they cuss again... I AM. Calling. the fucking sheriff. I'm sick of this bullshit. Maybe I am a "stupid white bitch," but at least I can have the self-respect to be a stupid white bitch who doesn't let ignorant dumbfucks with bad credit and no money call her out of her name. It's been working so far. "-ish."

I gotta get out of that hell hole. It makes me feel like a caged ferral cat.

Soooo... right-o. There's my news!

Okay, buhbye now.

PS: See ya tomorrow KP! Let's play LOTS of games. And drink. And be merry. And make plans. And do things.

Over-easy eggs

So my brother Matt and I go through a lot of eggs. I mean seriously, they're high in protein and dirt cheap. I'm a big fan of over-easy eggs with a slice of hearty wheat toast, but the problem is over-easy eggs are pretty hard not to butcher. In fact, fried eggs in general are pretty hard to do and not break the yolk or have them look ugly, unless you're doing them over-well and don't have good tasteor sense in the matter. So Matt, my resident egg-guru has instructed me in the art of frying my eggs, and I think I can safely say I've finally mastered it.

I'd like to share the process with you so you can also be competent eggs preparers and never have to be embarrassed by having to serve someone a misshapen, yolk-broken, nasty fried egg. It's quick, it's easy, it's difficult not to do right, and results in perfect fried eggs every time.

First, you preheat your pan and spray it with no-stick cooking spray. You want it hot, the burner should be on 7 or 8, and the egg should sizzle when you drop it in.

Second, once you drop your egg in and it's sizzling, drop the heat down to three or four. Immediately following this drop a few tablespoons water in the pan all at once and cover it up with a metal lid/cover right away. The steam from the water trapped under the lid makes the whites of the egg frost over the yolk, cooking it through and through without leaving slime on top, and also making it so you don't have to flip it and risk breaking the yolk or damaging it's shape.

It should cook in just less than a minute for a perfect over-easy egg, and slightly more for over-medium. If you want them over-well, I have nothing to say to you other than quit wasting eggs. You might as well hard-boil them. Anyways.

That's all I have to say on that, I wish you luck in all your egg-cooking endeavors.

As a side note, as of this afternoon I've officially mastered the art of making chicken/shrimp fried rice. Lemme know if you need any pointers.