insomnia and stress

There is nothing worse than going to bed and lying there for HOURS and HOURS thinking about all the things you still need to get done and haven't. This is incredibly depressing, especially after a particularly productive day. So now in addition to being uber-stressed, exhausted and unable to sleep, I'm depressed and feeling crappy about myself.

Also, people are hurtful and dramaful. Dramaful, by the way, is not a word. But it should be.

So in short, I'm sad and frustrated and am never speaking to anyone other than myself again just in case they go dramatory (also, not a word) on me.

more about numbers

A quick guide to the Arabic language numerals haji numbers.
That's confusing already because we use Arabic numerals, right? Well, yes... but also no. In fact the impenetrable muddle of varying combinations of compass directions and adjectives referring to India used with or without the word 'Arabic' in order to refer to the two systems in question, as well as a few others, with technical accuracy is so far from helpful (see here and here) that I will henceforth and retroactively refer to them as "real numbers" and "haji numbers."
As with their names, the similarities between the systems are of more use to someone who wants to be hopelessly confused than to anyone who wants to learn how to read haji numbers.
Here's the breakdown: 1 is one, so that's simple enough, but you skipped 0 which isn't zero because zero is a dot while 0 is five. The Roman numeral V, however is seven while 7 is six and two is a backwards 7. A backwards 3 on the other hand is four, while three is very similar to the backwards 7 that is two, except that it's squiggly on top. This brings us right along to eight, which is an upside down V (seven) making seven officially the sworn enemy of all haji number novices. 9, mercifully, is nine.
And if that made sense to you the first time through, you should go get your head examined.

Ethical Dilemma

So let's talk about plagiarism again. Here's the thing. I hate to admit this, but I really do take full advantage of the ease and reliability of wikipedia. Thing is, that's kinda sketchy when it comes to using it as a source. BUT, it has good information that supports my thesis well. So can I use that information in my paper, but cite the source they cited for that particular information instead of citing wikipedia?... is that ethical? I'm actually not looking at these books or articles at all, nor am I in any way inclined to- it's not that long of a paper. But then again.. they are legit, peer-reviewed sources they're citing and it's the same info, so why not?

Also, why am I so mortified that I use wikipedia as an information source about everything under the sun? I mean... it is the most ultimately peer-reviewed source of information there is, practically.

I should check if wikipedia addresses this issue under plagiarism...

Also, I was wondering if any of you have contributed to wikipedia or know someone who has. Just curious.

instilling values in the youth of today

I've taken to teaching my 12 year old sister little life lessons in my free time in the form of rhymes. I think she can benefit greatly from these quaint maxims. For example:

"Whiny little girls aren't very nice; whiny little girls, I punish them thrice."

"Tattletales aren't very fun; tattletales: watch out for my gun."

"'Obey me now' is not a playful quip: obey me now or I'll bust out my whip."

I believe the value of Discipline and a firm hand cannot be overestimated in this day and age. Lemme know if you have any other suggestions...

Must... stop... procrastinating...

My person really upsets me sometimes. For some reason, the more I'm doing (required activities that require me to go somewhere especially), the more I accomplish in my free time. And the less obligations I have, the harder it is for me to do ANYTHING.

Maybe I should start overcommitting hardcore so I can accomplish these basic tasks.

Or kill myself. That would solve everything, however distasteful.

I just hate that crappyallover feeling that comes from being unproductive.

Deceit and Bogus Words

I hate to do this to family, but the truth shall be heard.

When I was reading this post by asiankp, I asked her, "Hey, KP, what's verocious? Don't you mean FERocious?" She made up some definition and threw it nonchalantly across the room at me as though it was obvious. I accepted it.

... for about 10 seconds. Then I looked into it, and "verocious" is not listed in the OED, and if you type in define verocious on a google search you get a load of crap. It's bogus.

So what's up with that, KP? Why are you lying to me and the whole intranet? You could have just told me. I would have forgiven you. You didn't have to lie about it. I mean... at least it gets its meaning across even if it isn't legit...

Literary Pitfalls

I'm addicted to books that make me keenly aware of how lonely I am. It's really depressing.

But I just can't stop.

Neti Pots

Okay, I am now officially a Neti Pot convert.

My dear brother Matt, a daily jala neti practitioner for some time now, got me a pot (SinuCleanse being readily available at local pharmacies, and incidentally formulated and marketed by my second cousin, Diane Heatley, M.D. I've got an awesome family, what can I say.) because I was coming down with a cold and my sinuses were clearly stuffed up. Not only is this the fastest recovery time I've ever had for a cold, but I can BREATH BETTER than normally, even while sick! It's crazy how much better I can breathe, I'm in shock. Also, it's been helping me sleep through the night... I've known for a long time I have some mild form of sleep apnea, common enough but whatcha gonna do really... but I've noticed I wake up a lot less and am not as restless while sleeping since I started netiing daily. It's fantastic.

I think everybody should start cleaning their noses as often as their teeth.

Also, it helps with allergies, nasal congestion, dry air, post-smoking or being around a campfire getting all that crap out, shortening the length of a cold, post-nasal drip, all sorts of things. So yeah. Get a neti pot, guys. It's great.

Back by popular ambivalence...

So I'm not to sure whether I'll get back to posting on any kind of a regular basis but that is the goal. Meanwhile... random facts about the deployment so far. By the numbers.

3: things I have run over/into while driving a HMMWV
1: things I have run over/into while driving a HMMWV and awake
0: number of the above that were small children (just in case you were worried)
73: letters I have received from my awesome and infinitely patient girlfriend
5.2: average number of packages I've been receiving every mail day recently
resulting in...
2 types of rubber ducks in my collection
6 cans of silly string
13 reserve toothbrushes
and by the way...
3: months dentists recommend you use a toothbrush before replacing it
9: months I have in which to use these toothbrushes
57: minimum number of children who have asked me for a soccer ball
3.8: average number of times an Iraqi child will ask you for a soccer ball before giving up and moving to the next vehicle in your convoy
0: number of soccer balls given to Iraqi children by anyone in my platoon
0.0: average number of soccer balls I have hidden in my pocket at any given time while on patrol
10: minutes until the MWR closes for an hour for cleaning.

Grrr

I think I was bitten by the largest spider known to Midwestern man. There's a welt from it on my leg the size of a walnut. I presently have 5 fresh spider bites on my body. Death count only 11. They're even in my dreams.

I feel like I'm losing the war.

speaking of things that upset me...

Yesterday before class I went to shake up my can of V8 juice (it settles) without realizing that I'd already opened it... and got tomato juice all over my shirt. It looked like puke. So I went to the bathroom to wash it off, but it was really hard, and paper towel kinda rubs off and leaves particles on your shirt, so to get everything off, I ended up getting the front of my shirt... really... wet. And then I had to walk into class. And it was mortifying. I was hoping I could just go quickly to my seat and no one would notice... yeah, right. EVERYONE turns to stare at me, and I could see the snears forming in the corners of their lips as they formulated nasty little snicker remarks to whisper to each other about the white girl, so I had to think fast and stopped and said "Uhh...What? I thought today was the wet T-shirt contest..?" It worked and they all laughed, situation diffused, but it was still really embarassing and I wanted to cry. Women are really really mean and scary.

Yeah. I've been kinda emotional lately...

anger management

So today I walked in the house and greeted my parents, and this is what I heard:

"HI, Maggie. You are seriously causing us moral problems. We have to pay $600 more for our health insurance plan at dad's new job if there is someone in the house who's a smoker. So either you move out or you stop smoking."

Okay. Fair enough. This is particularly painful as... well... the whole patch debaucle. I haven't been SMOKING like I was since I stopped exactly, but I have smoked several times. And... yeah. I was pretty depressed about that to begin with. This is like being kicked while I'm already down. Obviously they're right, I don't want them to lie, and I need to quit smoking. But still... it was the "you suck" way they said it. And then the follow up about being concerned for me and my health. right. I'm really sad... and "caustic" about the whole thing. I was really polite about it, listened, said I understood, and that I'd stop smoking, and walked away... but it makes me so incredibly upset having them all up in my face about my vices when they have even more destructive ones that are like CONSTANT elephants in the room. Sure, it's their room. But it still is pretty unfair. I feel like I'm invariably treated like the "bad apple" when I'm the only one even TRYING to improve this stuff and be more healthy and not be comfortable with deadly status quo.

In short, I'm really upset, and I'm no doubt going ape-shit on the next person to talk to me about smoking who isn't my parents. (They have a valid excuse. Their finances are tied up in my vice.) But all the rest of you, just LEAVE ME ALONE, people. I suck, okay? I have such little will-power that I've tried to quit numerous times and have yet to be successful. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. What the HELL do you want? Do you think I don't KNOW the health risks associated with smoking? All the myriad of excellent reasons to quit? It's not ABOUT that, and the more you talk to me about it, the more I'm going to resent you for it, and the HARDER IT IS FOR ME. Can you quit smoking for me? No. So what are you doing?? It's not your problem, it's MINE. Just let me work my own shit out BY MYSELF, WITHOUT YOUR WORDS IN MY FACE, AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT.

Uhhh.... guys...?

Was I particularly lame in those last 4 posts, or...? I didn't think it was any more so than usual. I mean, usually at least ONE of you guys comments within 5 minutes. But it's been over 24 hours. And nothing. From anyone. I feel like such a failure. A disappointment. And I'm really confused, and honestly a little worried about you all. Are you hurt? Indisposed? Did someone die? I don't understand. Not a single comment... 0 for 4.

What up with that, vanilla faces?

Speaking of Plagiarism...

That reminds me. Apparently at Cardinal Stritch if you used a paper written by yourself in another class, or even parts of it, it's considered plagiarism. You can plagiarize... yourself. So what's up with that? Can't you just cite yourself?

Oh, and I hope you guys aren't going to think I'm a dirty plagiarist when I tell you a couple of my posts have been direct quotes from journal entries and I didn't cite them. Because that thing about spiciness came from my green 3X5" spiralbound little notebook dated August 30 (Happy Bday KP!), 2007. It was an untitled entry. Sorry if any of you misunderstood and thought it was original...

Type II Interactions or Incidents

Okay, so I need some serious help here. I'm trying to write this letter and I need some Type II Interactions or Incidents to beef it up with and make it a rich read. But I'm just blanking out here! Anybody have anything I've told them lately that'd fit the criterions? I guess I should explain what those are.

Type I: Fairly topical brushing the surface; the kinds of things you'd talk about with a complete stranger, or just about anyone.

Type II: The type of things that are fun and beautiful and poetic: like flying a kite, or singing in the car at the top of your lungs on a roadtrip, or going "sledding" down a muddy hill in the rain, or watching a beautiful sunrise. Stuff you'd do with or share with people you're becoming intimate with or already are intimate with. Joy and Laughter. The Spice of Life.

Type III: Exclusively intimate. I shan't elaborate cuz it's personal. But you all know what I mean. Sometimes Type II and Type III can be the same activity or experience, but with a different flavor or context. Just thought I'd point that out.

By the way, this understanding is all plagiarized from Phil- he made these distinctions to me first and I'm just regurgitating. (Guess I'm not plagiarizing anymore, though- consider yourself cited, Baby.)

But yeah, I just can't believe I don't have any Type II stuff coming to mind from lately... am I becoming boring and all shriveled up??

Things I learned in my first week of school

1. Other cultures have identified other senses than the five classical senses (taste, touch, sight, sound, hearing)... for example, the sense of "spiciness." This is not simply breaking down the sense of taste, however, it was something that extended to personal relationships. If your friendship was "spicy" it meant you were more intimate with one another. Although, food did come into play: you would serve spicier food to people with whom you had a spicier connection. Innnteresting. Is that where we got the notion of needing to "spice things up" in relationships, perhaps? I did a little research on it online (about 25 minutes) and didn't find too much on the subject, but I'm gonna ask my prof. where she read about that cuz I'm totally interested in reading more about that. How fascinating...

2. People carry around 25lbs + of stool in their intestines at any given time. When Elvis Presley died he had over 40lbs. Now we know where the "full of ****" expression comes from, too.

Seriously fascinating, huh? Well... I mean, I learned more than just that, but I've judged those two to be the most bloggable tidbits. I hope you guys enjoyed them as much as me. Seriously... that last one makes me want to go down a bottle of laxatives....

Phil

... is Awesome! I've heard from him like 4 times in the last 9 days. This is unprecedented. I can't get this stupid silly grin off my face!

...Except for when I think about how he called the day after his birthday and I forgot to mention it. Iiiiiidiot. So am I a bad girlfriend or what?