anger management
So today I walked in the house and greeted my parents, and this is what I heard:
"HI, Maggie. You are seriously causing us moral problems. We have to pay $600 more for our health insurance plan at dad's new job if there is someone in the house who's a smoker. So either you move out or you stop smoking."
Okay. Fair enough. This is particularly painful as... well... the whole patch debaucle. I haven't been SMOKING like I was since I stopped exactly, but I have smoked several times. And... yeah. I was pretty depressed about that to begin with. This is like being kicked while I'm already down. Obviously they're right, I don't want them to lie, and I need to quit smoking. But still... it was the "you suck" way they said it. And then the follow up about being concerned for me and my health. right. I'm really sad... and "caustic" about the whole thing. I was really polite about it, listened, said I understood, and that I'd stop smoking, and walked away... but it makes me so incredibly upset having them all up in my face about my vices when they have even more destructive ones that are like CONSTANT elephants in the room. Sure, it's their room. But it still is pretty unfair. I feel like I'm invariably treated like the "bad apple" when I'm the only one even TRYING to improve this stuff and be more healthy and not be comfortable with deadly status quo.
In short, I'm really upset, and I'm no doubt going ape-shit on the next person to talk to me about smoking who isn't my parents. (They have a valid excuse. Their finances are tied up in my vice.) But all the rest of you, just LEAVE ME ALONE, people. I suck, okay? I have such little will-power that I've tried to quit numerous times and have yet to be successful. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. What the HELL do you want? Do you think I don't KNOW the health risks associated with smoking? All the myriad of excellent reasons to quit? It's not ABOUT that, and the more you talk to me about it, the more I'm going to resent you for it, and the HARDER IT IS FOR ME. Can you quit smoking for me? No. So what are you doing?? It's not your problem, it's MINE. Just let me work my own shit out BY MYSELF, WITHOUT YOUR WORDS IN MY FACE, AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT.
"HI, Maggie. You are seriously causing us moral problems. We have to pay $600 more for our health insurance plan at dad's new job if there is someone in the house who's a smoker. So either you move out or you stop smoking."
Okay. Fair enough. This is particularly painful as... well... the whole patch debaucle. I haven't been SMOKING like I was since I stopped exactly, but I have smoked several times. And... yeah. I was pretty depressed about that to begin with. This is like being kicked while I'm already down. Obviously they're right, I don't want them to lie, and I need to quit smoking. But still... it was the "you suck" way they said it. And then the follow up about being concerned for me and my health. right. I'm really sad... and "caustic" about the whole thing. I was really polite about it, listened, said I understood, and that I'd stop smoking, and walked away... but it makes me so incredibly upset having them all up in my face about my vices when they have even more destructive ones that are like CONSTANT elephants in the room. Sure, it's their room. But it still is pretty unfair. I feel like I'm invariably treated like the "bad apple" when I'm the only one even TRYING to improve this stuff and be more healthy and not be comfortable with deadly status quo.
In short, I'm really upset, and I'm no doubt going ape-shit on the next person to talk to me about smoking who isn't my parents. (They have a valid excuse. Their finances are tied up in my vice.) But all the rest of you, just LEAVE ME ALONE, people. I suck, okay? I have such little will-power that I've tried to quit numerous times and have yet to be successful. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. What the HELL do you want? Do you think I don't KNOW the health risks associated with smoking? All the myriad of excellent reasons to quit? It's not ABOUT that, and the more you talk to me about it, the more I'm going to resent you for it, and the HARDER IT IS FOR ME. Can you quit smoking for me? No. So what are you doing?? It's not your problem, it's MINE. Just let me work my own shit out BY MYSELF, WITHOUT YOUR WORDS IN MY FACE, AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT.
Labels: family shmamily., rant, Smoking, stop doubting me, this is all wrong
posted by mags at 10:05 PM
2 Comments:
mags...you are a great person and probably have more willpower than the rest of us. dont let the bastards get you down. i'll smoke to that.
I think I might be overreacting a bit.
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