I'm certified!

So I took the State test to get certified as a Nurse Aide on Thursday. It was incredibly stressful. I wasn't too worried about the written portion; I'm pretty good at that stuff. But I was really worried about the practical portion where you're actually performing the skills while someone observes/judges you on a litany of minute details for everything you do. But it ended up working out just fine!

And I made a new gay friend. He came and sat down next to me during the registration beforehand, and then we sat next to each other during the written, and then we got to practice together while waiting for our turn for practicals. And it worked out well, because we were partners for the practical (I performed skills on him, him on me)... it was a really bonding experience. Then at the end they faxed in all our results and the state center faxed back whether we passed or failed, so we sat nervously biting our nails together, and then found out we both passed and were jumping around hugging each other... it was great. It was also weird, because both of our non-mainstream beliefs served as something that bonded us together, him with his alternative religion and homosexuality, me with my Catholicism and being stereotyped as judgemental and uncharitable. It was weird- having two really opposing lifestyles end up being something we had in common, with regards to how other people viewed/treated us. But fascinating. Really fascinating. He was a good guy.

Don't get me wrong...

I LOVE the St. Anthony prayer. I really do. I am eternally grateful for the innumerable things he's helped me find.

But why the heck does he always wait until just after I've had a total breakdown and start crying and getting all hysterical to find them? I always get this shivery feeling as I realize (over and over again) that he's testing me just as much as I'm testing him...

I Procrastinate because I hate disappointment

So I finally picked up my winter coat that I dropped off at the dry-cleaners back in March. Yeah... I know... that's a pretty darn long time to leave something at the dry cleaners, but all summer it just seemed like an unnecessary expense, y'know? Who thinks about spending money on a winter coat in the stifling heat of the summer? But now the weather's shifted, and the slightest chill in the breeze seems to have me shivering for hours. I am not looking forward to another winter with no heat in my car. So right... I figure I should at least have a coat, because I can't do laundry fast enough for the long sleeve shirt and two sweaters I'm wearing a day. I rotate the sweaters so the clean inner one goes to the outside and the dirty to the middle... then switch for laundry....I worked out a system last winter... but yeah, it still kinda sucks. A coat would be really nice.

So I decided it was time for a splurge and went to the dry cleaners to get/pay for it: $15 later I realized to my dismay they hadn't gotten the stain out. They had 8 months and they couldn't even get the damn stain out. Sigh. At least I'll be warm, I guess. But that really stinks.

sleepy

My eyes keep closing... and I force them open... again... but I still can't remember the crazy unit lookup name... or my boot size.... and my eyes keep closing... with my finger on one of the keyssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. I give up.

I can post in the future!

Sweet! I can warn my future self about stuff I should do differently.
No, not the green one! Pick any wire but the green one!

hold on...

I've been thinking about Breach again...

...Because of KP's latest post on how lame she is. And that list of "5 things about me" got me to thinking about how in the movie "Breach," Robert Hanssen had his assistant list 5 things about himself, 4 true and one a lie on his first day to test his mad lie-detector skillz. I've decided that the next time I meet someone new and I'm just making pleasant small talk, I'm gonna bust that out. So I can practice my lie detector skills.



I'm so excited... I think I'm gonna go for a walk down to the gas station/bus stop and see if I can meet anybody to practice on...

How long did this take you?

Jill spent $3 less than 3/5 of her money on math books, and $3 more than 3/4 of her remaining money on other books. She still had $3 left. How much did she start with?

Who says you need to have kids to post pictures of them? Childbirth, schmildbirth.

So this is a picture of my toooootally sweet and adorable neice Barbara and myself. I'm trying to prove to the world that I do, in fact, still have all my teeth (unlike many less fortunate individuals). And as a way of introduction for Barbara, she is an incredibly perceptive individual, a proficient draw-er and fluent in tracing. For more information and to see some of her work, go here. Portfolio coming soon.

She is my pride and joy. (Excepting the fact that she's someone else's child... of course...)

ANYWAYS! That's that.





















And this... well. This is a pic of me dubbed by Liz:
"Sultry Mags: Queen of Tarantulas."

HOLD THE PRESS

We're moving to Alaska!!

many random thoughts in my brain

Is (Megadeth frontman) Dave Mustain's name a portmanteau of mustang and pain or mustard and stain?

If "the Sleep" by Pantera doesn't rock your socks off then you have no metal in your soul.

I'm pretty impressed that Maggie managed to make a mix cd that I really enjoyed. Score 5 rock! points for Maggie even though I'm pretty sure that she does not have the metal in her soul. (Her choice for a Metallica song was "The Unforgiven")

My ipod is thoroughly convinced that I am in Chicago.

I'm not. [makes sad face] poor, poor me.

My submission for a rhyming life lesson: Little girls who interrupt me find that their lives end quite abruptly.

If I decided to quit this blog but still wanted to comment, I'd change my display name to "the name with no blog."

It would be funny if Mags changed her display name to "thropist" but bad if it was "erer"

Using my 'other' identity to comment on blogs that allow it makes me giggle uncontrollably on the inside.

Is "$&#*!" a five letter naughty word or a four letter naughty word spoken with feeling?

Beautiful people with happy lives frighten me. In more ways than one.

Speed-Surfing online

So I was speed-surfing earlier (which is my term for online recreation with a set time limit and an alarm clock by my side to enforce it) and was checking out a site that a friend recommended about ninjas that I've been recommending to other friends prior to even checking it out myself. I only 'video skimmed' through some of the more recent posts and I imagine the earlier ones are more funny (they usually are. originality and whatnot.). So right, I thought I'd share some of the the ones I did watch with you guys.

Question 52: "Ninja Baby Sitters"

"...Unless you're wearing spiked jeans and actually trying to sit on the child, I really don't get the concept of baby-sitters..."

"Do you really think a gorillaagon (half gorilla, half dragon) is going to show you his recipe for mac&cheese before he pulls your arms off? No way!"

"Throw some surprises at your kids! Swap out the contents of your cleaning closet and your refrigerator. They'll definitely be more resilient if they live through that."

"You need to give your children a handful of death every day, and say "Eat up. That is LIFE."

Q 55: "Celebrity Weapons"

Hehe... the part about intelligent people in the beginning cracked me up. Also, here's for anyone who reads gossipy magazines like US Weekly on the sly:

"Here's a couple tips for trying to avoid death by celebrity. First off, Get a life, they can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting. Take Freddy Kruegar! If you're actually awake, he can't kill you. Except 6, I think. Two, become a celebrity yourself! If you can't stab him, join him. Soon you'll be come so self-absorbed and vapid you won't be able to even partially focus on anyone else's life."

Better to be self-absorbed and vapid than dead, right?

Q 54: "Vakilltions"- This one's for you, Phil. ...I SO told you about volcanoes...

It looks like I'm gonna have a great birthday next year!!

So my buddette Anna is thinking about visiting me for a WHOLE WEEK in January!! I am soOOooo excited! Things I'm thinking about doing with her:

1. If weather permits: sledding. (Last time Anna and I were in the snow together I totally facewashed her superfly uncle. It was awesome.)
2. Check out a movie at the Oriental.
3. Wolski's. Was there any doubt?
4. The Jazz Estate.
5. Help her seduce an ex-marine's reserved younger brother.
6. Racquetball.
7. Visit the Chicago contingency and pray my siblings don't get too trashed and embarrass me.

Any other suggestions, guys? I know it's a little early to be planning and all excited, but I think the last female visitor I had was Lizzy when she came out to see me in Cali. (I just spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to link to some of those photos on here from her online album, but she seems to have changed her password. Curses. No pics for you guys.) So yeah, point is, this is a big deal and I'm really looking forward to it! Yay Anna!!

Today's legal battle

YAY! I went to court and got all the points taken off and my fine halved... AND the judge smiled and thanked me when I left. I'm not sure what for, but works for me!

I was so right. My head totally exploded and I got a 6 hour migraine that made me vomit, cry, and renewed all over again that paralyzing fear of Hell...

I really want to go to Heaven.

I have all this bottled lightening in my head today that I just can't access- it's though it's all been shaken up and I'm scared it'll explode if I take off the cap.

Guess I'm damned to idle distraction for the time being. I suppose that would be the danger in becoming Ivan-like with the Details of daily living... your head might explode...

Details...

So today I read "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch" by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
...and I don't have anything to say about those names. Ivan is beginning his ninth year of imprisonment with hard labor on the steppes of Siberia. It's a good one day -- as good as you could hope for in the circumstances and a good enough book to keep me happy for a day.
This was my first Russian literature experience in a while and, well, yeah. It was an experience. (sheesh. I'm sorry, I just can't seem to do any better than that today.)
Those crazy Russians what with the intensity and the details and everything mattering to the characters. Are there people out there who are actually that bloody involved in the endless minutia of their everyday lives? It's certainly appealing (and I think that's why I crave combat so much -- in that context everything matters.) Probably one of the secrets to happiness too. I don't even know how I would begin, though, to care that much about myself and my life. Maybe I'm just lazy because it's never actually been that hard.
Anyway, that all gets depressing and spirals into uselessness so before it takes over my train of thought I'm going to share one little experience of mine that all this reminded me of. (ok, "of which all this reminded me." Go to hell.)
After one of our jumps in airborne school when we were shaking out the 'chutes I happened to be next to a Marine. He was one of the few Marines in my class, very young, and airborne was the last school he had to complete on his way to being Force Recon. (for all you damn civilians out there that's the Marines' special ops unit. Among America's five most elite fighting forces.) Our task was a very simple one. The parachutes were hanging from the ceiling of a tall room where they had been left for a couple of hours to dry. We had to guide them and the parachute cord into a bag without getting anything tangled while removing any preexisting tangles, twigs, leaves or other debris. Simple, as I said, but not exactly boring. None of us had done this too many times before and we had plenty on our minds in the circumstances. My high speed Marine neighbor didn't just take it as a mindless task to get over with and get back to the stuff that was worth his time though. He challenged me to race and see who could get his 'chute packed away more quickly. I won the first time. He said that was ok, he had his system down now. He won the second time, but it didn't matter. He wasn't lying. He had found his way of working quickly, doing it right and got the job done as efficiently as possible. Basicly, he cared. I don't really know anything else about this hardcore motherfucker personally. We never really talked. I won't see him again and if I did I surely wouldn't recognize him. Just going off of that one evening though, I'd say he's probably a damn good Marine. Probably living not too many miles from me right now.
So I dont know if I got anything across with all that. I kinda wish I hadn't tried but I'm not going back now. After all, I did restrain myself from promising to post once in a while. I guess that I was just trying to say that when you're in a more or less shitty situation, keeping your mind off things can get you by, it really can. Putting your mind into your work and your life though, is always going to make you stronger and happier.

"Hi, Bob! My name is Maggie and I'm going to be toiletting you... and anything else you can think of."

Yeah, so this CNA (certified nursing assistant) thing is a lot harder than it would seem. Even harder because one of my residents is a vet. It's really hard to assist something with EVERYTHING when they don't want assistance with anything.. but very much need it. Rough. Seriously rough. Not to mention, have you ever tried moving a 6'4 man with nothing but a gait belt around their waist? Oh, and they're hard of hearing so they can't hear half of what you say, so it's hard to even guide/instruct them to help you to what little degree they're capable. What about when they start falling and leaning on you and you have to hold them up for anywhere up to 10 minutes while performing the potty time "procedure." Seriously, my back is killing me. Hopefully I just don't have the technique down...