Goofy Ghetto

I might have shared this, but it was making me giggle again. There's this woman at work- she's totally ghetto and a drunk- and usually she's totally negative. But every once in a while she's in a good mood. Mainly when she's been drinking too much before work. (I will refrain from ranting about the problems associated with this.) And then she starts talking about men.

When she's in a good mood she talks about Men.
When she's in a really good mood she talks about Mens.
When she's in a really really good mood and lonely she talks about Menses and gets crazy animated and excited.

And it CRACKS ME UP.

Bright Idea

Tonight at work they had to turn off the electricty and switch to generator power... which only is supposed to have enough power to vaguely illuminate the halls. Seeing as how I work 3rd shift this meant that we'd be doing cares for people in their rooms in pitch black by flashlights. This also meant that people who have those pressurized air mattresses (to help prevent bedsores), NG feeding tubes, or oxygen tanks needed alternative source of energy.

So we went around hooking all that crap up, extension cords criss crossing halls everywhere, filling portable oxygen tanks, and what have you. And then we had to do something about the call lights so residents can get a hold of us if they need something. Our solution? Noisemakers. You know, like for new years or birthday parties. Speaking of which, I want those at my next birthday party. But right, so I have to go around waking people up, explaining to them their purpose, and giving to them. Of course this is a ridiculous idea because none of these oldies have the lung capacity to go crazy on a noisemaker (least of all those on oxygen tanks!!). In fact, the most I got out of them was the feeblest of toots that could hardly be heard from 5 feet away. It was pretty pathetic. And it got most of them all anxious and stressed out-- they could die and no one would know. But right, we "covered our asses," I guess. Or something.

And then after spending an hour getting this all worked out, the call lights ended up being powered by the emergency generators after all. Which meant that EVERY FREAKING resident we'd woken up had their call light on when the lights went out because they were scared and needed to be reassured they'd be taken care of-- and also just to see if they'd work. But I mean... any one of those lights could have been the real deal, "I've fallen and I can't get up!" or needing to be toileted, or what have you. So I had to answer every freaking one and spend FOREVER on each of them reassuring them everything was going to be okay. Sigh. Had we not bothered with that bogus crap and woken them all up they'd all have slept right through it!

Whatta joke.

Solitude be gone

It looks like my last two months of solitude and relative isolation are nearly over. Chronologically:

1. Matt's back from Utah/Spain! He arrived in the states yesterday. No more living alone, baby. Or worrying about having borderline sketch people over, talking coworkers into helping me move heavy things, not bothering with clothes, smoking indoors (just foul... I blame exam stress), drinking out of the milk carton (I'm such a rebel), being scared at night, having to call a friend to help me with my flat tires, drinking my morning coffee alone, or talking to myself.

2. Phil's going to be in Milwaukee a week from tomorrow(ish)!!! This will be the first time we've seen each other since his leave ended July 5th, 2007. Prrreeetty crazy. My brain can hardly register it as reality... I'm getting all squirrely: why is it so much harder to wait a week than it was to wait a year?

And will he be more comfortable on the sofa or a cot?

summertime...

... and the living's shitty.

So I'm done with classes for the semester! I've been looking forward to this moment for so long but now that it's come I just don't know what to do with myself. Get a new job, I guess. But wow, I just can't come down off of this crazy anxiety. This was by far the hardest exams week I have EVER experienced. I did not sleep for 4 days straight. Not because I didn't have time to. But because I COULDN'T on account of being so stressed out about making the grade. Which I did, by the way. But that's over now.

In other news, I've had time to do a few life assessments and I've made several unpleasant realizations:

1. I'm poor.
2. My job sucks. LOTS of work. VERY LITTLE pay. MINIMAL on-the-job experience (I've maxed out what I stand to gain education-wise in this environment). TONS of drama. INSANE amounts of stress. Granted, in return I have complete awareness of how much of a difference I'm making in dying peoples lives. But then again, I also have to stand by and helplessly watch the at times excruciatingly painful process of them dying. It's a toss up.
3. There are much better jobs in the field out there.
4. My car needs (MORE) work.
5. I still suck at budgetting. And all my savings for the "unexpected" were eaten up by the unexpected this last month. Frickety-frick. NO MORE UNEXPECTED EXPENSES! I have this sickening feeling that I'm kidding myself even hoping.

Is there like some saying about how once one huge source of stress is eliminated fifty others will present themselves? There should be. Maybe something like "be happy with your present battle because once it's gone you'll remember the fifty others you need to fight." Or something. That could probably be hella-more concise. But whatever. You get the point.

Venn-egram

crazy

I just sneezed so hard my back cracked. It was a triple. And vertebrae I'm not usually able to crack...

Sweet.

Word for the wise...

Baking cookies in a breadpan (as opposed to cookie sheet)= no go.

In other breaking news:

1. I had a double candle melt-down (you know, where the liquid wax melts the surrounding stuff unevenly and it busts forth like a miniature dam exploding, extinguishing your "mood" lighting and making a mess).

2. I suspect that there's something not-right about how the gas line is connected to my oven. I think it was the smell when I turned it on that tipped me off. Either that or my cookies smell FOUL. Unless you're into that whole gas station aroma thing wafting through your kitchen...

3. I am allergic to a certain "parfum" in lotions they have at work and it makes me MASSIVELY break out within minutes. Of course lotions never identify their particular scents either, so that's really helpful to know. So for now I guess "blue bottles=bad" will have to be my operative maxim.

4. My mom is like 50 times cooler when we're not living together.

5. She's so much cooler that when I woke up the other night at 2:30am and my left arm was numb and called her convinced that I was ABOUT to have a heart attack she talked me down. I even managed to fall back asleep afterwards, despite the paralyzing fear that I might die in my sleep and not even know it. I did however have to change into cute panties first-- just in case. Grandma always advised to make sure you always have nice panties on in case you had to go to the hospital. Better safe than humiliated.

6. I keep getting into weird situations where I make cool friends, but not the kind that you can mesh with your other cool friends. Unfortunate.

7. I'm two papers, 4 exams, and 4 work shifts away from sanity and new projects. I like new projects. I also like sleep. Mmmm... sleep.

8. This is a little naughty, but I've realized why exams are so much harder for me this time around. In the past I've usually had a boyfriend around to makeout with. As HORRIBLE as it may sound, it's excellent stress relief. And endorphins are good for studying/alertness/etc. Pity. Guess I'm hitting the gym.

9. I absolutely abhor when professors assign busy-work. I'm way too cool for that shit.

10. I'm coming down with a cold. Don't share anything with me, and keep your Purrell handy.

11. Bubble baths don't solve everything.

12. Trucks going over potholes in the middle of the night might sound like an intruder opening your front door. But don't be fooled. Cuz you'll look like an idiot.

13. Little I say in the first 10 minutes after I wake up can be trusted. Especially if it has anything to do with cornmeal, the song "Good Vibrations," or scooters.

14. Pussy willows are an excellent substitute for baby's breath in a bouquet on your kitchen table in the spring. For real.

15. Living alone=increased cell phone minute usage.

16. Bubblemix is not an acceptable substitute for hand soap.

17. Bubblemix is not an acceptable substitute for dish soap.

18. Bubblemix makes furniture sticky. ... and is not an acceptable furniture cleaner.

19. Febreeze is not an acceptable substitute for laundering clothes.

20. "Ironing" dresses by hanging them up while you take a sinfully long shower has its distinct limitations.

annnnnd that's about all I got.

Sanitization Elimination

Yeah. Maybe this is a little backwards. It's good to be cleanly. Real good. I'm just starting to think I'm getting a bit obsessive. I purell most EVERYTHING. Purell has become almost exclusively a verb for me. I actually think in my head, "I so gotta purrell that bitch," as I size up the sink in the bathroom, planning out the order in which I'm going to touch what. It's like the cleanest game of chess EV-ER. Toilet seats, grocery carts, MY OWN STEERING WHEEL, the keyboard on my laptop, everything. Purelled. It's just too much.

So as of today I'm cutting myself off. I'm only sanitizing my hands at work. I'm still allowing for handwashing, but I can't be carrying sanitizer anymore. I'm NOT OCD. There is no excuse for this crazy...