It's been a rough couple days.

My grandma died early yesterday morning. I got there two minutes too late. I then went straight to work. My panic attacks have been coming back. At work. It was all I could do to resist my manager taking me to the emergency room. I'm ashamed to go back in tomorrow. My ex physically moved on. I found out when I called him for help coping with my grief. I need to be supportive for my family members. My days have been hectic and planned down to the minute. Work made me literally fight for my day off to go to the funeral. I almost quit. My best friend's out of town and unreachable. I probably haven't been confiding in the most appropriate family member. I haven't slept more than two hours per night the last 3. I drink too much. Way too much. I can't quit smoking.

And the scary part is it could get way worse and I can hardly deal as is. I guess this is supposed to be one of those times where you're supposed to realize you're insufficient by yourself and you're supposed to turn to God.

Then, God... help me do so.

Today's Piss-Me-Off

And for the record, my job sucks.

I call the attendant in the parking lot, tell her I'm selling a car (at fatty rate, by the way) that's parked in behind another car and ask if that's cool. And it has to be THAT one because it has all the perks I sold so hard on. She grumbles and says "Okay."

Half an hour later my coworker gets a call from her bitching about how I made her move a car 'unnecessarily.' Whatever. I called to ask her, and she AGREED to it. After she hangs up, I explain what happened to the coworker, apologize for her getting bitched at about what I did and forget about it.

Fifteen minutes later, a MANAGER calls asking for me. I get on the phone, just to hear the same complaint. I explain and apologize again.

When I got to leave at 5pm and have to go out to the lot, just for safe measure and to be a bigger man, apologize to chickychicky (in front of previous manager) again and tell her that next time she should just say no, or if we're not busy, I'D even be willing to come out and move it (even though that's not my job, it's hers, AND I made a courtesy call about it which she OKed). She takes this as an opportunity to bitch EVEN MORE instead of just accepting the apology or making any attempt at grace and puts on this whole "I'm pitiful act." I guess somehow that's supposed to make me like her or have compassion for her... or something...

Whatever.

People who pull that shit should be shot. Unless they're pregnant. Which I guess she is. So I guess that's just life.

Why Semi's are called Semi's

So since Phil posted his ponderings about why semi trucks are called semi's since they're not semi anything... they're freaking huge... I've been playing this little game at work.

So I'm working in customer service/sales in the airport, and have to deal with a lot of frustrated (that's putting it charitably) travelers. It's very frequent that one of our customers will have an outburst, and inquire, "well WHY... blahblahblah": questions I find unpleasant to answer, because we both know they're not going to be happy with the answer. So right, I then respond in a tone reflecting how equally bewildered and cheated I feel ask, "YEAH, and WHY do they call Semi's Semi's??" (Okay, so it's not kosher exactly, but it's certainly much more fun for me.)

They then stop and look at me, surprised and confused, and up until last night, they all stopped suddenly (distracted) and realize they don't know either and we proceed to wonder and discuss. It's fun, as I said, and a useful tool for diffusing the situation.

But then last night a woman came in who's husband works with trucks (as I found out later), and of course decided to play with her. Turns out she actually had an answer! Apparently you're NOT supposed to call it a semi unless it's just the front engine part with no trailor or load attached. If it's the full deal, it's called a tractor trailor. But since "tractor trailor" is pretty cumbersome, I guess the masses (me and my previous clients) just took to calling them all semi's.

Figures.

So now I need a new question for my game. Anybody? It's gotta be hard or it won't work.

Post Script

If my current mood did not allow me to treat my first (or last) subject with the gravity it deserved, I'm sorry.
Also, I'd like to apologize for the run on sentences and the excessive use of, commas and (of course) parentheses.

Secondly (maybe)

On a lighter note...
Three things.

Firstly (unless you're really crazy and into reading individual posts from the bottom up): It shows just how desperate I am for any kind of recreational physical activity that I actually played frisbee last night (in the dark with a chemlight(glowstick) taped to the bottom. pretty cool, actually.)

Secondly (without a doubt. (well... I guess if you were really crazy and just refused to read things in any order at all... OK, enough)): Another crazy thunderstorm today. The Spic and I had to go about 1/4 mile down the road to pick up some engine oil.

2:05 pm (as we get into his car)
Spic: "Uh oh..." [pointing at a dark mass of clouds off in the distance]
Me: "Yeah, that doesn't look like it will be nice. I hope it holds off until we're done for the day."

2:09 pm (waiting for someone to come open the shed and give us our oil)
Spic: "I don't think it's going to wait until we get off."
Me: [looks apprehensively at the clouds of doom, now much closer]

2:16 pm (still waiting. the sky is apparently practicing for the apocalypse. half is already filled with black clouds that rush visibly towards us. a strong wind brings a chill and the taste of rain. the blue areas that still remain seem to be fleeing to the east.)

2:18 pm (guy shows up to let us into the shed. the sky is black.)
Me: "Yeah, we aren't even going to make our first trip without getting soaked."

2:21 pm (we've got the oil out of the shed but still have to move the seven five-gallon drums to Spic's car a couple hundred meters away. a light rain begins to fall)

2:21.30 pm (a heavy rain begins to fall)

2:22 pm (a heavier rain begins to fall)

2:25 pm (we get the last of the oil into the Spic's trunk, soaked to the skin)

Thirdly: Four Rooms. I cannot in good conscience (on several levels) recommend this movie. However, if you happen to come across a copy, I do recommend One Room.
The idea behind the movie is pretty creative: One main character (the bellhop) four parts to the movie (his experiences in four different rooms) four different directors and supporting casts. Good idea, but part one was awful. Two and three, meh. Part four is directed by Quentin Tarantino and also features him as one of the major actors. It, unsurprisingly, is awesome (if you're into Tarantino stuff.) So yeah, see that part.

So much to post about, so little time...

So, firstly... (or lastly, if you are reading this, as you likely are, from the top down rather than as it was written, i.e. from the bottom up. (I like commas (possibly too much (parentheses are good too)))) .

Right. Enough of that.

So the media is reveling in another controversy caused by the Islamic habit of lashing out with furious anger at anyone who does not bow humbly to the infinite superiority of their fucked up pretense at a religion (all the more fun and exciting because in this case the object of their virulent hatred is the Pope.)
So, in response to a (quoted) statement referring to the violent, evil nature of their religion and it's origins, they call for the death of the man who uses the quote in a speech, with the purpose of introducing his topic (the place of reason in theology) by addressing the fact that the use of force has no place in the spreading of faith.
Fucking classy.

So. As part of my effort to avoid getting too caught up in this press circus full of the evil clowns we so politely call "journalists," I actually read the full text of the Holy Father's lecture (found here.) A few times, in fact. I'm a bit out of practice on reading this sort of thing and it took me a while to get a sense of what he was arguing.
Anyway, if you haven't already, I recommend that you read it as well. If all of the negative reaction and publicity concerning the one part of His Holiness' address which was considered "newsworthy" leads more people to seek a better understanding of the actual subject of his lecture, that would be a good thing.

One matter on which I would like further understanding:
His Holiness asks,"Is the conviction that acting unreasonably contradicts God's nature merely a Greek idea, or is it always and intrinsically true?" Those who deny this, he tells us, do so because they refuse to believe that God is limited by reason. He is not, of course, but does this really mean that it is wrong to say that God can only act according to reason? If you look at human reason not as a way to limit God but as a reflection of God in us, can't you say that rationality is a part of God's nature? A way in which we are created in His image and likeness? Thus, God's nature would not be limited by reason but would be the cause and basis of reason.
I dunno. I'm no good at doing this by myself. Can I get some feedback here? Is this bloody stupid? bloody obvious? worth pursuing?

Coming soon...

A short story by Phil about the origins of his desire to fight in the Army and shoot guns.

(Was that subtle enough, baby?)

The first encounter of the day: Monday, September 11th, 2006.

12:09am: Exit home with brother and two friends, driving brother's vehicle. Destination? Beer.

12:13am: Suspicious looking police car tailing vehicle is noted.

12:17am: Noted police car takes action, and pulls over vehicle for no immediately apparent reason, in a very shady part of town.

12:18am: Passengers inform driver registration on vehicle expired 11 days prior. Fix-it ticket already issued in the state of Minnesota 8 days prior. Fix-it ticket is procurred. Occupants of car make attempts not to fidget.

12:29am: Vehicle is surrounded by not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, but FIVE cop cars.

12:31am: Vehicle is descended upon by the police officers from 3 different police cars, brandishing maglites, hands on holsters. Hands of all occupants have maintained clear visibility.

12:32am: Driver and passenger up front are questioned to no particular end. Expired plates are eventually established. Fix-it ticket and ID's are forfeited.

12:33am: Exchange of words between officers outside the vehicle. 'Judgement call' being the final verdict.

12:37am: Excess police cars slowly begin to disperse.

12:47am: Original officer returns with fine. Driver is asked to exit vehicle. Further questioning.

12:48-12:56am: Driver realizes officer has made his call unflexibly and decides to make him aware of what an ass he is under the pretense of 'explaining' and inquiring, and brings up 5 or 6 different points in their defense, the most pertinent of which being that owner of vehicle only arrived back in the state the tags were issued in two hours ago- neither of which two hours were during business hours, and as such owner has had no opportunity to correct offense. Officer begins to fidget and feel bad, but will not recind.

12:57am: Driver is satisfied with having made him feel guilty at the very least and relinquishes her fingerprint. Driver thanks officer for being so 'reasonable' and willing to discuss the issue. Driver delivers said message in such a friendly and convincing tone, smiling with the face and not with the eyes, that Officer does not detact the deep seated bitterness and sarcasm, and thanks her back bewilderedly.

12:58am: Driver returns to the vehicle with a $90 fine, trembling with rage.

12:59-1:05am: More rage. The journey to the bar is completed.

1:06am: Ahhhhhh. Beer and darts.

Mission Accomplished.

math humor

source: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1666816/posts

the gin and tonic

...is awesome and also my new favorite drink. It's not that it tastes good, it doesn't have to taste good. It's just awesome. Don't doubt me on this one. (but if you still do, click here)

Neener neener

So I've got peanut butter m&m's and a cell phone charger, and Phil doesn't have either.

Heh. Sucker.

facing mortality

so the people around me seem determined to make me face their mortality and acknowledge how fragile the human mind and body is.

it looks as though my grandma isn't going to live much longer. she has alzheimers and has deteriorated immensely in the last couple weeks. i knew she wasn't doing well, but there is nothing that anyone can do or say to prepare you to see a loved one, an elder, who in the past held a position of authority in your life reduced to a mumbling babbling incoherent uncomprehending collection of bone, skin, and empty lifeless eyes. she wasn't even using words anymore. just sounds. i tried telling her stories and memories i had of her. i told her stories about her when she was young that she had told me. i dont know what i was expecting, i guess i just hoped i could say something that would at the very least make her eyes betray a spark of life. i pray that today was just a bad day for her. i'm not even sure if she knew if there was another person in the room.

my cousin michael was in an accident saturday night on his bike. all i knew was his face got bashed in pretty bad, he had a concussion and contusion and a broken collarbone, and as of last night he hadn't regained consciousness yet. it sounded really bad yesterday. but now today my aunt called my mom and apparently it wasn't quite as bad as it sounded, and it looks like he's going to be okay, though i still don't know too much situation. it was wretched the last 24 hrs wondering and not knowing if this was a life or death situation or not. you don't realize just how much you love someone until their premature demise is a real possibility screaming in your ear. i cringe thinking about how much i take those around me for granted.

and then there was this afternoon. i saw a man die today. when i was dropping phil off at the airport, there had been an accident going there on the freeway that was being cleaned up. on my way back the rain picked up again, big meaty drops, and as i was getting to where this accident was on the other side of the freeway about a quarter mile up in front of me some guy, i'm not even positive what happened, but i guess he hadn't seen the cars stopped/slowed down from the accident on his side, well he had hydroplaned (it was raining) or something and hit the barrier so hard that his car flipped up over it so it came down upsidedown half on our side, half on his, and was pretty much instantly a mass of flames and black smoke. so of course my side stopped and some men in the 5 or 6 cars ahead of me (also stopped)ran over right away to try to help (as well as the cops who ran over from the OTHER accident), but the car was flaming and the guy, well. yeah. it was horrible. i couldn't quite register it, standing in the pouring rain on the freeway watching the thick black smoke and huge flames from this bashed in car knowing full well that there was a person, a HUMAN BEING, trapped inside. someone with family friends, hopes, dreams... someone who might not have been ready for death.

Mags is such a big girl

she went to the potty on the toilet today, all by herself! We're so proud of her.