Firsts

Since this is my First post of '09, I think I'll dedicate it to this year's firsts so far:

I spent the first minute of this year (and beyond) supporting a whispy leukemia patient while he puked his frail little guts out. Then after he recovered he looks over at me sidelong and says "well happy new year anyway", completely flat affect.

I took my first formal vacation in a LOOOOONG LOOOONG time. Just nothing to do but spend time with My Favorite, swim in the pool, soak in the jacuzzi, and shudder in the snowy cold on the way to the bar and grill.

I went to Door County for the first time. It was great. See above.

I had my first real in-the-hospital clinical as a nurse (-ing student). And a bunch more since then. And they're awesome. This semester I'm working with new mommas and babies for the first half, and then psychiatric patients for the second.

I went to my first hockey game. And I am SOLD. I never thought of myself as a potential sports fan, but I'm really digging going to Admiral's hockey games. Milwaukee fans are total hams. (rhyming's fun. :)) And Hockey is the manliest sport ever. Our boys really should play hockey.

I gave an infant her first bath for the first time at the hospital during clinicals. It was fantastic-- babies love a good soak. So do I.

I witnessed my first surgery-- a C-section. We got all dressed up in surgical scrubs and booties and caps and masks and everything and were watching just a couple feet away from the gaping whole of gore that was her tummy. It was INTENSE. I'm still in shock and awe from it. And the baby was absolutely perfect...

I touched a placenta for the first time. What an amazing organ. The arteries are as big as my pinky!! No wonder there's so much bleeding...

I performed my first Assessment on an actual patient. A post-op (c-section again) momma. It was smoothly executed, thanks to the litany of prayers I said prior. :) (My second assessment was on her 3-hr-old newborn... dreamy sigh)

I was slapped in the face and shoved against a wall by a patient for the first time (at work, not clinicals). He was very confused and aggressive from all the medication. So I'm not too bitter.

I watched a patient die of lung cancer for the first time. Massive amounts of blood, and blood clots, were coming out of his mouth... I guess an artery burst in his lungs or something... it was pretty horrific. His wife was present. Called STAT team, but it did no good.

Saw someone intubated for the first time. It didn't help. See above.

I took someone to a morgue for the first time. (Also, same man.) It was a long hall that you had to call on a phone to be let into. Once in, there was absolutely no one there. Just a long empty hall with Autopsy rooms lining it. At the end of the hall there was a walk-in cooler, suspiciously like those in restaurants, with another phone where you call someone remote to ID the body, check correspondence of toe tags and bodybag tags and whatnot and be buzzed into the freezer. It was creepier than I would have expected.

I was referred to the ER by a doctor for the first time. I didn't go. I'm no wuss. (And I don't believe in wasting medical resources unnecessarily.)

I worked/schooled my first non-stop (no breaks) 26 hr day... just straight from work to class to a work again. (Sadly they're recurring far too often...)

I washed 5 simultaneous loads of laundry for the first time. No sense wasting time.

I heard Christopher West speak about Theology of the Body for the first time. Theology of the Body blows my mind. And fills me with unspeakably shy joyfulness. Guess I'm not there yet.

For the first time I have a specific doctor I can call "my doctor".

I have awesome health insurance for the first time ever. It's so nice not to have to worry about doctors bills and copays and whatnot. I just make an appointment and go. Plus aurora has all these online profiles of their doctors so I can read up on them on their specialties, look at their pictures, see their mini intro-clip and whatnot. "No, I don't want the UGLY doctor with a lisp! Let's see that other one again..."

For the first time I'm actually doubting whether or not I can pass a class. I mean I know I could if it was all I had to focus on... but in this context... with this much going on.... I'm really not sure if I can do it all at once.

I got my first Littman stethoscope (thanks mom!).

I bought my first pair of Crocs (despite DESPISING Crocs) because it's easier to wash blood and pee and bile and whatnot off of them. It's a purely practical move on my part. And don't worry, I have the "medical version" without the holes. No one's bleeding on my toes.


And yeah. That's about all I can think of right now...

summertime...

... and the living's shitty.

So I'm done with classes for the semester! I've been looking forward to this moment for so long but now that it's come I just don't know what to do with myself. Get a new job, I guess. But wow, I just can't come down off of this crazy anxiety. This was by far the hardest exams week I have EVER experienced. I did not sleep for 4 days straight. Not because I didn't have time to. But because I COULDN'T on account of being so stressed out about making the grade. Which I did, by the way. But that's over now.

In other news, I've had time to do a few life assessments and I've made several unpleasant realizations:

1. I'm poor.
2. My job sucks. LOTS of work. VERY LITTLE pay. MINIMAL on-the-job experience (I've maxed out what I stand to gain education-wise in this environment). TONS of drama. INSANE amounts of stress. Granted, in return I have complete awareness of how much of a difference I'm making in dying peoples lives. But then again, I also have to stand by and helplessly watch the at times excruciatingly painful process of them dying. It's a toss up.
3. There are much better jobs in the field out there.
4. My car needs (MORE) work.
5. I still suck at budgetting. And all my savings for the "unexpected" were eaten up by the unexpected this last month. Frickety-frick. NO MORE UNEXPECTED EXPENSES! I have this sickening feeling that I'm kidding myself even hoping.

Is there like some saying about how once one huge source of stress is eliminated fifty others will present themselves? There should be. Maybe something like "be happy with your present battle because once it's gone you'll remember the fifty others you need to fight." Or something. That could probably be hella-more concise. But whatever. You get the point.

Word for the wise...

Baking cookies in a breadpan (as opposed to cookie sheet)= no go.

In other breaking news:

1. I had a double candle melt-down (you know, where the liquid wax melts the surrounding stuff unevenly and it busts forth like a miniature dam exploding, extinguishing your "mood" lighting and making a mess).

2. I suspect that there's something not-right about how the gas line is connected to my oven. I think it was the smell when I turned it on that tipped me off. Either that or my cookies smell FOUL. Unless you're into that whole gas station aroma thing wafting through your kitchen...

3. I am allergic to a certain "parfum" in lotions they have at work and it makes me MASSIVELY break out within minutes. Of course lotions never identify their particular scents either, so that's really helpful to know. So for now I guess "blue bottles=bad" will have to be my operative maxim.

4. My mom is like 50 times cooler when we're not living together.

5. She's so much cooler that when I woke up the other night at 2:30am and my left arm was numb and called her convinced that I was ABOUT to have a heart attack she talked me down. I even managed to fall back asleep afterwards, despite the paralyzing fear that I might die in my sleep and not even know it. I did however have to change into cute panties first-- just in case. Grandma always advised to make sure you always have nice panties on in case you had to go to the hospital. Better safe than humiliated.

6. I keep getting into weird situations where I make cool friends, but not the kind that you can mesh with your other cool friends. Unfortunate.

7. I'm two papers, 4 exams, and 4 work shifts away from sanity and new projects. I like new projects. I also like sleep. Mmmm... sleep.

8. This is a little naughty, but I've realized why exams are so much harder for me this time around. In the past I've usually had a boyfriend around to makeout with. As HORRIBLE as it may sound, it's excellent stress relief. And endorphins are good for studying/alertness/etc. Pity. Guess I'm hitting the gym.

9. I absolutely abhor when professors assign busy-work. I'm way too cool for that shit.

10. I'm coming down with a cold. Don't share anything with me, and keep your Purrell handy.

11. Bubble baths don't solve everything.

12. Trucks going over potholes in the middle of the night might sound like an intruder opening your front door. But don't be fooled. Cuz you'll look like an idiot.

13. Little I say in the first 10 minutes after I wake up can be trusted. Especially if it has anything to do with cornmeal, the song "Good Vibrations," or scooters.

14. Pussy willows are an excellent substitute for baby's breath in a bouquet on your kitchen table in the spring. For real.

15. Living alone=increased cell phone minute usage.

16. Bubblemix is not an acceptable substitute for hand soap.

17. Bubblemix is not an acceptable substitute for dish soap.

18. Bubblemix makes furniture sticky. ... and is not an acceptable furniture cleaner.

19. Febreeze is not an acceptable substitute for laundering clothes.

20. "Ironing" dresses by hanging them up while you take a sinfully long shower has its distinct limitations.

annnnnd that's about all I got.

Racial Dialogue

Lately I've been learning some interesting tidbits from my black coworkers at the nursing home about things that are culturally different between us. For example:

1. Black women wear brown, black, or purple panties underneath white pants/skirts so that their panties don't show through. Makes perfect sense. But that NEVER would have occured to me. Please don't ask how it came up.

2. When a black woman says "He favors so-and-so," don't be confused and think that it's a matter of social preference, because then she'll think you're an idiot. (Sigh. I'm such an idiot.) "Favors" in this context means "resembles."

3. Black hair is incredibly difficult to style, but once styled far easier to maintain. Also, it needs to be washed WAY WAY WAY less. Apparently this is because it's easier for oil/grease from your scalp to slide down a relatively straight/finer hair shaft than it is down a kinky-curly/coarse hair shaft, making split ends and moisture deficits more of an issue for them, and greasy hair more of an issue for us. This I knew. I guess I'm not really communicating the new knowledge I've learned, because I just realized it's too hard to explain hair styling for someone with as limited experience as I have. I'm not really into all that girly crap. I'm on top of things if I remember to brush it. I bought my first bottle of hairspray in around a decade a couple months ago and have hardly used it a half-dozen times. So much for that.

4. White girls often interact by talking lovey or flirting with each other. At least this is what I have observed, and what has been my experience- maybe I have creepy female friendships. This is not appropriate with any of the black women I work with. I've attempted to bond with some of the ones I'm closer to in this manner and they looked at me like I was crazy and I had to very frankly explain, no, I am not in fact a lesbian or in any way posing a threat to your sexuality-- I was just messing around and trying to bond with you. Then they thought I was even crazier.

5. The black women I work with seem to be vehemently opposed to interracial mixing, to the point where I would never DARE mention to the majority of them that I've dated black men in their presence for fear of being shunned or causing tensions in the workplace. I don't know if this is common, but it's incredibly pronounced with the women at work. I was talking to one woman who I'm closer friends with and it came up, and she told me point blank that she found interracial mixing offensive and even went so far to admit that it wasn't just on a sexual level, and when she told her sister she was going out to breakfast with me after work, her sister was affronted and asked her what the hell she thought she was doing hanging out with me. She said it was hard for her not to be embarrassed when her family all saw her being dropped off by her white girl friend. I was baffled by this. And honestly, it kinda hurt my feelings a little. Whatcha gonna do.

6. Okay, I don't know if this one is normal either, but let's talk about those head scarves that some black women wear. I had no idea, but apparently it's not just a fashion statement-- it's quasi-"political," kind of a flashback to how female slaves used to wear them on their heads in the fields. Our black supervising nurse said something to a black coworker about how she should not wear her headscarf in the building because it was inflammatory. I didn't see how it was in any way an issue- it was a floral print scarf, for goodness sake!- and asked her what on earth she meant. And apparently it's supposed to be reminiscent of slavery days, reminding people of the oppressiveness of their cultural heritage. She explained it as kind of like a "fuck you" (sorry) to white supremicists. I guess that while the younger generation (I'm assuming I'm not the only naive one) isn't aware, it's a bigger issue for all the racist old people at the nursing home and they find it offensive as there are lots of very racist old people (though some of them remember to try not to be openly). It was weird. I felt naive.

Okay, that's all I got. I wonder if this is a weird post. Is it not PC to talk about cultural differences? Hmmm. Dunno. Don't care. I thought it was interesting.

English Well Talking

These are real english translations of signs posted in other countries that didn't quite work out for them...

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9am and 11am daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.


I'm off to go tootle my horn melodiously at some passengers of foot..

Today's Outing

So I've been indefinitely putting off putting together a package for Phil cuz things have been so busy lately. Today I didn't have classes, though (long weeked), so Danny Boy and I went on a little outing to see figure out what we could possibly send to him over in Iraq.

Here were a couple of suggestions:

1. A designer, commemorative, diamond-tipped bullet. After discussing it in brief with the sales clerk at the jewelry shop it became clear that that just was not going to happen.

2. The absolute coolest retractable Star Wars light-saber I have EVER laid eyes upon. So much cooler than the tree branches we used to use as kids.

3. A ball that calculates how fast your throwing it. Velocity ball, or whatever. Come on... those are COOL. But I don't even know if phil LIKES baseball.

You get the picture. The list went on and on, extending all the way to miniature remote-controlled machine gun turrets. (Why is it that anything in miniature is so fantastically adorable? I even have a soft spot for a freaking miniature machine gun...) Given how cool (though impractical and generally absurd) some of the things we brainstormed to put in this package were, it's actually going to be a pretty boring one in contrast... but whatcha gonna do.

I gotta say, carepackages are incredibly difficult to make interesting...

Things that piss me off

1. Having three exams scheduled next week in the space of 20 hours.

2. Having a teacher who can't teach worth **** in a class that requires mastery of an OBSCENE amount of information, and being tested on stuff that we haven't even gone over. What a waste of two hours that class is- two hours that COULD be spent actually teaching OURSELVES the material instead of having to just do it later. Not to mention the 6+ hours a week I spend doing busy work for it-- the kind of busy work that doesn't even aid in your learning the material.

3. Unclear expectations and standards. All you have to do is establish what it is you want- it takes maybe 5 minutes and saves people all sorts of stress and misfocused effort.

4. Lazy, incompetent coworkers. Particularly ones that are routinely late coming back from their break-- hence cutting into mine. I have soooo many choice words about that one. Also, ones that ignore their call lights. This infuriates me.

5. Supervisors who intentionally make themselves unavailable. Especially when people are calling OVER and OVER and OVER trying to get a hold of them.

6. Papers that are about your personal life. Granted, the course is "interpersonal communication," so it's not a far cry for her to expect us to be applying these principles to our personal lives... but it's still a little awkward having to share those applications with our teacher. I don't think I like those realms overlapping quite that much, and I'm not quite creative enough to completely fabricate it. For my next paper I have the choice of either analyzing my present relationship, or a past, terminated one. I'm not too keen on either. Why would I want to spend x amount of hours thinking about a past one, and why would I want to be sharing information about my present one with her? I don't care if it's confidential-- she's still reading it. Anyways. I guess I'm going to be writing about our relationship this weekend, Phil. Should I pass it along?

7. Unnecessary noise. Maybe I'm just chronically tired or something, but sounds that normally are nice like whistling, background music, etc. just piss me off lately.

8. Unsolicited conversations. "Yeah, I'm reading. Does it LOOK like I want to talk to you right now? " For the first time in my life I came out and told an acquaintance (coworker, actually), "Hey, I really need to get this done right now...?" and cut her off mid-blabbering. I gave her NUMEROUS non-verbal cues indicating how unwelcome her blathering was first. Turns out being a bitch and just saying it is far more effective.

9. Laundry. It never ends. It always needs to be done. I'm giving up clothes for Lent... never you mind the cold. Think of how much less time, water, soap, and modesty would be wasted.

10. Scraping off my windshield. I just want to get in the car and GO... is that so much to ask??

Okay. That's all I got. Thanks for the outlet.

I swear, all elderly people are on crack.

Today at work I was:

1. Told I was beautiful.
2. Told I was a ***damn indian b***h. (It's a real shame how so many old people are incredibly racist, yet unable to distinguish between races.)
3. Peed on. Literally. Just straight up peed on. Whatcha gonna do.
4. Hugged.
5. Scratched.
6. Told to "Go to hell."
7. Kissed.
8. Slapped.
9. Told I was gentle and would make a great mother.
10. Told, "Wipe my damn butt off. And no funny business about it." Can we say awkward.
11. Told, "Don't be scared to wipe my butt, sweetie. Get in there really good." Even more awkward.
12. Told, "I thought you were an angel!" by sleepy old lady.
13. Told, "Go back to Africa!" Different person. Again, racist. Again, unable to distinguish between races.
14. Told, "Scratch my left (butt) cheek, will ya?"
15. Told, "I love you!" At least 20 times.
16. Escaped an attempt at being bitten.
17. Begged not to leave.

Seriously. It really does a number on you after a few hours or so.

Working at Nursing Homes is like being trapped in Oz or Wonderland, but with a lot more butts. I wonder if there's an online quiz that'll tell you what kind of old person you'll be. I think I'm gonna be pretty damn crotchety, just for kicks...

My lists of seasonal likes and dislikes

Things I like about Christmas time:
-Garlands of live greens as home decor.
-Lights.
-Decorations that involve scented candles
-Fires in the fireplace, particularly ones built without the aid of matches or a lighter.
-The playfulness of the season: people aren't as lame and boring.
-Giving and getting little presents, particularly when there's a stranger on the other end.
-Burying my cigarette butts in the snow (I hate to admit it but it's true).
-Wassail on a cold night.. mmm.
-Making little snowmen and affixing them to the tops of people's cars.
-Bells. I used to be in a bell choir, you know. I was damn good, little white gloves and all.
-Watching snow fall.

Things I do not like:
-Creepy 2 ft.+ tall little figurines of christmasy characters like father christmas or snowmen, particularly when said creepy figures can be plugged in and made to move. Why is it that old people love those so much?? They scare the crap out of me.
-Shoveling out my car and scraping my windows off every time I have to go somewhere, especially right before work.

dream analysis

I had this crazy high stress dream where someone dear to me died, was killed, and I was mourning their death. The dream took place underwater and I was trying to mourn or cope with their death. One of my brothers lead me swimming deep underwater to see this school of beautiful, delicate, whispy little blue fish with red, plastic-feather like tails. It was very peaceful. But then everything went all awry because they went from being beautiful to look at to swamping me and trying to swim in my mouth and down my throat. And that's where the stress came in because I was totally panicking trying to vomit them up, or rather their tails because their bodies suddenly didn't exist anymore and keep them out of my mouth but they wouldn't stop swimming in and were all dying- being killed by me?-, and I wanted no part of it. It was weird. And as soon as they swamped me I was all alone, and after it was over I was really sad and still by myself.

So since I'm the only one I know awake at this hour and I have nothing better to do, I've decided to try and analyze my dream. I went through what I just wrote and searched what words I could in the dream dictionary, and this is what the different parts of my dream are supposed to represent:

Death- To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances.
Killed- To dream that someone has been killed, suggests that their actions are disconnected from their emotions.
Mourning- To dream that you are in mourning, refers to your inability to let go of the past. You need clear those old experiences and make way for the new. To dream that you are wearing mourning, symbolizes grief, bad luck, and unhappiness.
Underwater- To dream that you are underwater, suggests that you are feeling overcome with emotions and are in need of greater control in your life. You may be in over your head regarding some situation. To dream that you are breathing underwater, represents a retreat back into the womb. You want to return to a state where you were dependent and free from responsibilities. Perhaps you are feeling helpless, unable to fulfill your own needs and caring for yourself. Alternatively, you may be submerged in your emotions.
Swimming- To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. To dream that you are swimming underwater, suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your emotional difficulties.
Brother- To see your brother in your dream, may symbolize some aspect of your relationship with him. It can also serve to remind you that someone in your waking life has certain characteristics/behavior similar to your brother's.
Peace- To dream of peace and tranquility, indicates an end or a resolution to an emotional issue or inner conflict. It may signal and end of a cycle and the pause before the beginning of a new endeavor. It also suggest that you have reached a new level of stability and calmness. Alternatively, the maddening quietness may refer to the calm before the storm.
Fish- To see fish swimming in your dream, signifies insights from your unconscious mind. Thus to catch a fish, represents insights which have been brought to the surface. The fish is also an ancient symbol of Christianity and Christian beliefs. It may also imply a slippery or elusive situation. To dream that you are eating fish, symbolizes your beliefs, spirituality, luck, energy and nourishment. It is food for the soul. To see a dead fish, signifies disappointment and loss of power/wealth.
Blue- Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind. Depending on the context of your dream, the color blue may also be a metaphor of "being blue" and feeling sad.
Red- Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations.
Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges.
Tails- To see only the tail of an animal in your dream, signifies annoyances and complications in situations where pleasure was surely to be expected.
Feathers- To dream of feathers floating in the air, signifies a life of ease, comfort, warmth and of financial gains. It may describe your lightheartedness and enjoyment for life. Alternatively, they may represent confusion, hastiness, and lost of dignity.
Plastic- To see plastic objects in your dream, suggests that you are being fake and artificial. You are not being genuine and true to yourself.
Mouth- To see a mouth in your dream, signifies your need to express yourself or talk about an issue that's bothering you.
Throat- To see your throat in your dream, symbolizes the ability to express yourself and communicate your thoughts/ideas.
Killing- To dream that you killed someone, forewarns that heavy stress may cause you to lose your temper and self-control. This dream may also represent a part of you or your life that you wish would leave you alone and stop creating a nuisance. Killing may represent the killing off of old parts of yourself and old habits.
Panic- To dream that you are in a panic, indicates a lack of control and power in your life. You may be feeling helpless in some situation or unable to make a clear decision.
Distress- To dream that you or others are in distress, suggest that things will turn out better than you expected. You will find that all your worries were for nothing and need to lighten up.
Abhorrence- To dream that you abhor a person, denotes a strange dislike for some person, and your suspicions of his integrity and honesty will prove correct. Difficult times are also ahead for you in the near future.
Vomit- To dream that you are vomiting, indicates that you need to reject or discard an aspect of your life that is revolting. There are some emotions or concepts that you need to confront and then let go.
Sad- To dream that you are sad, suggests that you need to learn from your disappointments and make yourself happy.
Alone- To dream that you are alone, indicates feelings of rejection. You may be feeling that no one understand you.

So now I'm sitting here scratching my head not QUITE sure what to make of that all, but definitely wondering if I really have as many more issues right now than I thought I did. Stupid dreams.

Top 10 Reservations About Working 3rd Shift:

1. It's in the middle of the night and you have to stay awake.
2. The light-headed haze that hits around 2 or 3am and doesn't leave until the 6am euphoria.
3. Saying "See you tonight!" to your coworkers as you're leaving work... tomorrow sounds much better, even if the math is the same.
4. Getting caught in the trap of thinking you're somehow cheating the systems beause you're working full time and still have ALL DAY LONG to do whatever you want, forgetting that sleep can only be put off so long.
5. Only talking to sleepy people all shift long.
6. Getting lost in the winding, identical halls in the basement and realizing that in addition to not being sure exactly how many elevator shafts there are in this building and that they don't all go through even if they lead to the right floor, you also don't know if one of those endless rows of doors leads into a morgue or not, and what sort of characters to expect to run into.
7. Security guards are a reason to whip around and quickly walk away in the opposite direction when you're alone.
8. Day time people still expect you to be on the same schedule as them and get selfish about your time.
9. When do you do homework?
10. On the few nights you are off (like tonight, for example), other than catch up on a little homework, what are you supposed to do? Sleep sounds like a trick answer: it's hard enough to change your sleep schedule. And it's not like there's THAT much to do by yourself in the middle of the night... other than blog, I guess...

many random thoughts in my brain

Is (Megadeth frontman) Dave Mustain's name a portmanteau of mustang and pain or mustard and stain?

If "the Sleep" by Pantera doesn't rock your socks off then you have no metal in your soul.

I'm pretty impressed that Maggie managed to make a mix cd that I really enjoyed. Score 5 rock! points for Maggie even though I'm pretty sure that she does not have the metal in her soul. (Her choice for a Metallica song was "The Unforgiven")

My ipod is thoroughly convinced that I am in Chicago.

I'm not. [makes sad face] poor, poor me.

My submission for a rhyming life lesson: Little girls who interrupt me find that their lives end quite abruptly.

If I decided to quit this blog but still wanted to comment, I'd change my display name to "the name with no blog."

It would be funny if Mags changed her display name to "thropist" but bad if it was "erer"

Using my 'other' identity to comment on blogs that allow it makes me giggle uncontrollably on the inside.

Is "$&#*!" a five letter naughty word or a four letter naughty word spoken with feeling?

Beautiful people with happy lives frighten me. In more ways than one.

Things I learned in my first week of school

1. Other cultures have identified other senses than the five classical senses (taste, touch, sight, sound, hearing)... for example, the sense of "spiciness." This is not simply breaking down the sense of taste, however, it was something that extended to personal relationships. If your friendship was "spicy" it meant you were more intimate with one another. Although, food did come into play: you would serve spicier food to people with whom you had a spicier connection. Innnteresting. Is that where we got the notion of needing to "spice things up" in relationships, perhaps? I did a little research on it online (about 25 minutes) and didn't find too much on the subject, but I'm gonna ask my prof. where she read about that cuz I'm totally interested in reading more about that. How fascinating...

2. People carry around 25lbs + of stool in their intestines at any given time. When Elvis Presley died he had over 40lbs. Now we know where the "full of ****" expression comes from, too.

Seriously fascinating, huh? Well... I mean, I learned more than just that, but I've judged those two to be the most bloggable tidbits. I hope you guys enjoyed them as much as me. Seriously... that last one makes me want to go down a bottle of laxatives....

The Patch Part II

Yeah. So after a few days on the patch my status was this:

1. Chronic bad headaches were turned into excruciatingly painful dehabilitating headaches.
2. Random 1-3 minute "episodes" where my whole arm that I had the patch on would go numb in a stingy, panicky way.
3. Quickened and irregular pulse.
4. Psychotic dreams that I was wholly unable to distinguish from reality the next day... it took me a full 8 hours to realize I'd been doing something over and over again based on a dream, not reality.
5. VIOLENT mood swings including excessive profanity, uncontrollable emotions and numerous disgruntled and affronted family member victims.
6. Lightheadedness when exercising, even in controlled climates.
7. I STILL desperately wanted to smoke.

So, I said "**** You, Patch." One or two side effects you can get through... but geez. I don't need that. Especially if I still want my stupid cigarettes... why have 7 side effects when you could have just one? So yeah, the patch didn't last.... BUT...

Yes, BUT... I'm still not smoking. Wassup now, Nickles?

I can't sleep...

So I thought I'd share my late thoughts. I'm generous like that.

I think it's kinda profound that a butterfly's wings are thinner than paper... yet it can fly. Maybe it's not really flying... but just too light to resist the wind. I must test this hypothesis.

I think that it is very wise to not eat yellow snow.

If my brothers brains were bananas, he wouldn't even be able to get a monkey interested in him.

God Hates Stupid. 'Nuff said.

I read somewhere that "some peoples minds are like concrete...thoroughly mixed up and permanently set." I've met that guy. I'm gonna buy him a jackhammer.

I also read something along the lines of "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do, you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes." That made me giggle.

Pertinent to my current situation, I've taken the liberty of supplementing the Bible. "And on the 8th day, God created the internet... and on the 13th day from 2:04am to 2:07am, it worked."

I heart H&R Block

So I need to apply with FAFSA cuz I need financial aid to go back to school, so that meant I had to do taxes. Which I haven't done in two years. So last Friday I went to H&R Block to see if they could help me out. I was really dragging my feet as I trudged through their doors cuz I was expecting to have to pay a lot of money, and that they wouldn't even be able to help me. This is the state in which I arrived:

1. I hadn't filed for 2005.
2. I didn't have 2005's W2s.
3. I had an extension, but hadn't filed for 2006.
4. I was missing one of my W2s for 2006, cuz Ave X never sent it to me.
5. I've been claiming more exemptions (?) than I'm due so they take out less taxes- so I was expecting to have to pay a lot back.

But Tolanda at H&R Block TOTALLY hooked me up with her tax knowledge and stuff and in the end, I didn't even NEED to file for 2005, so that was all square, and I ended up getting twice what they took out back for 2006, cuz she knew about some programs I qualified for and stuff. Pretty crazy cool if you ask me... I doubled my returns on the taxes the government had me pay this year! Taxes are like a mandatory fast-growing investment account when you file through H&R Block!

Disfunctional Day

I think I'm getting sick.

First of all, I have this nasty thing on the corner of my mouth that won't heal... partly because it cracks open and can't heal because I open my mouth at least once a day. I think it's infected.

Second, I have a really vivid dream last night where I cut off a shock of my hair in anger. And then I woke up... and... there was a shock of hair next to me that apparently I had cut off IN MY SLEEP with a steak knife. Riiiiight.

Third, I slept 12 hours and am still TOTALLY exhausted and COLD in the middle of the summer. It feels like my body's trying to shut down. Makes no sense.

Fourth, so I made myself go to the gym anyways, hoping I was tired because I slept too much... just to FAINT in the freaking shower when I got home and NAIL my head on the side of the tub.

Which, Fifth, didn't really help my headache. In fact, it morphed it into a splitting headache, accompanied by mild nausea and dizziness. I'm glad I keep lots of painkillers on hand. I'm pissed off that that happened.

So yeah. I'm crabby. And I think fighting some sort of messed up sickness.

I haven't posted in a long time...

So here are a few tidbits about my world:

1. I'm going to go see Phil in CA for 2 weeks, and leave Friday the 15th. It's pretty much what I've been looking forward to and thinking about since I posted last.

2. I don't have a job yet. But I will.

3. My neighbors across the street throw crazy parties late at night where people get naked and wander around in the middle of the street.

4. I learned to bake bread from scratch.

5. I've gone rock climbing several times. It rocks.

6. I enjoy having 30 min conversations with strangers who have the phone numbers of "old friends" who've changed their #, where I argue that it's not their phone, get advice on etiquette, and discuss/speculate about what fundraisers and church events for the Church of Satan must be like.

7. I'm allergic to scapular medals. I have a horrible rash from tryin' ta stay holy.

8. I'm also allergic to alcohol. Who isn't?

9. I'm afraid of heights.

10. I have a horrible, horrible addiction to cigarrettes.

11. All the 2-4 yr olds in my life love me.

12. Letters are the greatest invention ever.

13. Dim houses are morbidly depressing.

14. Never open your landlords mail on accident, even if they have the same first and middle name as you. Especially if it's a bill from a fertility specialist and they have no kids. And then you probably might want to reconsider just putting it opened into their mailbox.

15. Try not to look overly relieved when they a week or two later announce that they're pregnant.

16. If someone says, "I know you won't like this, but.." Just walk away. You don't want to hear it.

17. Few things matter. And whatever does happen, it'll work out one way or another.

3 ways to make a fool of yourself in front of your landlord

1) Come skipping into the house singing "It's a Beautiful Day in the NeeiiIiighborhood..!!" at the top of your lungs and run smack into him.

2) Get caught in a pink frilly shirt in 10 degree weather using a hammer to bang on a screwdriver that's applying pressure on the the radiator cap you're too weaksauce to unscrew which you immediately follow with a victory dance and peals of childish laughter just to turn around and see him standing their scratching his head looking at you in utter confoundment. Drop the hammer in embarrassment and spill the anti-freeze on the driveway.

3) Forget you're wearing a green mask (Yes. I'm 24 years old and I still haven't outgrown acne.) all over your face and neck and go traipsing down the basement to the shared laundry-facility in your duplex and not register the source of the shock and embarrassment on his face until after he's walked quickly away.

Or if you're really ambitious, you can do all three in one day like me!

Sigh.

My rage problem.

Yeah. Rage. It's seriously been getting a little out of control again lately. The three main things I've noticed that consistently set me off are:

1) Customer service when "customer service" means nothing other than giving the customer whatever the hell they want for free so long as they bitch long enough for it, and then having to act like they deserved it on top of it all when you both know they're full of shit. Seriously, people. Have you consumers no shame?? I especially love it when they say things like "Let's not forget I'm the customer here. And I'm not happy." Oh, and that one by the way? They were getting EXACTLY what they reserved, but they decided they wanted something better for the same price because LAST time some schmuck gave it to them for the same price. Dear Lord. Cry me a river, and get fuck away from my counter.

2) Being woke up. I can't get angry thinking about this one- I know it's totally irrational. But in the moment, I swear... something in me instantaneously combusts and I become this heat-seaking missile headed for whatever the hell it was that disturbed me. I guess I genuinely just prefer to be unconscious than not. Anyways.

3) The last thing is chicks who're going after my brothers who act like they're good friends with me. Like, somehow, if you've got an in with my bro we're automatically best buds? I don't get it. I think respect above and beyond what you'd offer a stranger has to be earned. Maybe that's not fair of me. But that's life, huh?


So, yeah. That's about all I got to say about that.