Racial Dialogue

Lately I've been learning some interesting tidbits from my black coworkers at the nursing home about things that are culturally different between us. For example:

1. Black women wear brown, black, or purple panties underneath white pants/skirts so that their panties don't show through. Makes perfect sense. But that NEVER would have occured to me. Please don't ask how it came up.

2. When a black woman says "He favors so-and-so," don't be confused and think that it's a matter of social preference, because then she'll think you're an idiot. (Sigh. I'm such an idiot.) "Favors" in this context means "resembles."

3. Black hair is incredibly difficult to style, but once styled far easier to maintain. Also, it needs to be washed WAY WAY WAY less. Apparently this is because it's easier for oil/grease from your scalp to slide down a relatively straight/finer hair shaft than it is down a kinky-curly/coarse hair shaft, making split ends and moisture deficits more of an issue for them, and greasy hair more of an issue for us. This I knew. I guess I'm not really communicating the new knowledge I've learned, because I just realized it's too hard to explain hair styling for someone with as limited experience as I have. I'm not really into all that girly crap. I'm on top of things if I remember to brush it. I bought my first bottle of hairspray in around a decade a couple months ago and have hardly used it a half-dozen times. So much for that.

4. White girls often interact by talking lovey or flirting with each other. At least this is what I have observed, and what has been my experience- maybe I have creepy female friendships. This is not appropriate with any of the black women I work with. I've attempted to bond with some of the ones I'm closer to in this manner and they looked at me like I was crazy and I had to very frankly explain, no, I am not in fact a lesbian or in any way posing a threat to your sexuality-- I was just messing around and trying to bond with you. Then they thought I was even crazier.

5. The black women I work with seem to be vehemently opposed to interracial mixing, to the point where I would never DARE mention to the majority of them that I've dated black men in their presence for fear of being shunned or causing tensions in the workplace. I don't know if this is common, but it's incredibly pronounced with the women at work. I was talking to one woman who I'm closer friends with and it came up, and she told me point blank that she found interracial mixing offensive and even went so far to admit that it wasn't just on a sexual level, and when she told her sister she was going out to breakfast with me after work, her sister was affronted and asked her what the hell she thought she was doing hanging out with me. She said it was hard for her not to be embarrassed when her family all saw her being dropped off by her white girl friend. I was baffled by this. And honestly, it kinda hurt my feelings a little. Whatcha gonna do.

6. Okay, I don't know if this one is normal either, but let's talk about those head scarves that some black women wear. I had no idea, but apparently it's not just a fashion statement-- it's quasi-"political," kind of a flashback to how female slaves used to wear them on their heads in the fields. Our black supervising nurse said something to a black coworker about how she should not wear her headscarf in the building because it was inflammatory. I didn't see how it was in any way an issue- it was a floral print scarf, for goodness sake!- and asked her what on earth she meant. And apparently it's supposed to be reminiscent of slavery days, reminding people of the oppressiveness of their cultural heritage. She explained it as kind of like a "fuck you" (sorry) to white supremicists. I guess that while the younger generation (I'm assuming I'm not the only naive one) isn't aware, it's a bigger issue for all the racist old people at the nursing home and they find it offensive as there are lots of very racist old people (though some of them remember to try not to be openly). It was weird. I felt naive.

Okay, that's all I got. I wonder if this is a weird post. Is it not PC to talk about cultural differences? Hmmm. Dunno. Don't care. I thought it was interesting.

Documentation of Phil's last combat patrol in iraq

Eeeeexcellent.

Won't be much longer now.

FRUSTRATION

So here I am. Lying in my insanely comfy bed. I'm insanely tired. Only slept 5 hrs when I last slept. Already have had a long day what with lectures and labs and homework and what have you. I'm freaking tired. I'm going to be up ALL NIGHT LONG at work, then I'm going straight to school, ON A SATURDAY, to take a stupid CPR refreshment course. Plus Matt gets home tomorrow and so I'm not going to get much sleep before I go straight BACK to work TOMORROW night.

But I can't sleep.

Why can't I sleep? Because there's so much more that COULD BE DONE. I could be updating my resume. I could be applying to even more positions at even more hospitals in order to cash in on the whole tuition reimbursement programs the offer (which, incidentally, would account for 3/4 of my personal payments), not to mention the higher wages. I could be cleaning up in my kitchen. I could be smogging my car and heading over to the DMV-- like I've been planning on doing the last 3 consecutive days. I could be doing laundry over at my parents and completing my move over here. I could be writing any number of papers. Preparing for any number of classes. I could be straightening up my planner and clarifying all my upcoming obligations so I don't miss anything. I could be taking care of all of next months bills. I could be planning out my budget for next month. I could be solving any number of minor crises in my life before they become major ones. I could even be putting on some freaking chapstick so my lips don't chap. All these stupid little (and not so little) things come back to haunt me the second my head hits the pillow.

ALL I WANT IS TO FREAKING SLEEP.

But I can't. So I'm gonna get up, shower, run over to the smog place/DMV, head over to my mom's, update my resume while I'm doing laundry, and start chipping away at some of this crap. Why? Why would I do this when I still have a good 5.5 hrs I could actually be sleeping before work? Because it's impossible to sleep the sleep of the just when you haven't crossed out 2/3 of your to-do list. That's why.

Man, I'm pissed...

Blog Elitism

I think it's a shame that some blogs, like say, "http://lanctoninhonduras.blogspot.com", are invite-only. What's so secret? How does one get to be cool enough for an invite? I hugely protest this!!

I was very curious to read this blog, as given my interaction with the author I have a strong suspicion that it would be an incredily interesting, even diverting, read. However, since I discovered my inability to access said blog, my desire to read it has been heightened 10-fold. Perhaps it's some sort of marketing ploy they teach you when you're in school for business. It certainly works.

But little does lanctoninhonduras know... I am privy to lagartija's passwords. So once my curiosity peaks I'll probably cave to unethical behaviors and do a little spying...

I wasn't born like this lanctoninhonduras. You made me this way by withholding and not inviting me to be a member of your secret community of the elite...

You could say I dropped the Ball...

If by "the ball" you meant a 375 lb. woman. Yeah. That was not a high point tonight at work.

I was trying to get this woman washed up and dressed this morning. Normally we use an EZ-Stand contraption pictured below. It also has a blue harness, but in order to put it on around the resident and then attach it to the red handle hooks (again, refer to illustration), the person has to be close enough for it to hook in.

Buuuuut... this woman had these hugie blue plastic boot-things on to protect her bum ankles. Normally this is no problem, but they were impeding our ability to manuever the EZ-Stand close enough to her. The bed height needed to be adjusted. At this point, however, I had already hoisted her dead-weight into a sitting position and was physically holding her there (she's pretty much immobile save some minor to moderate upper body strength)... consequently it was quite the reach. So as I'm reaching around full stretch trying to get the bed down a mere 4 inches or so, she starts panicking a little and pulling with her hands on the EZ-Stand... resulting in pulling her weight FORWARD... resulting in the beginning of her descent to the floor.

I really thought I could stop it. So I grit my teeth, abandoned trying to adjust the height, and focussed on throwing all my weight against her sliding body.

And then there was a flash of clarity where I realized, duh Maggie, you can't stop the fall of a 375 lb. woman. It's just not happening. So, true to my training, I changed my objective to "easing her fall." Old people's bones seem to be made of porcelain and their skin tears like tissue. I was DETERMINED not to have either of those scenarios.

So I "eased" her down. But what really ended up happening in the process was in easing her fall, I mainly just broke her fall.

... and took all 375 lbs. on my inner thigh, trapping a leg and an arm beneath her. It was soooooo painful and hard to get my leg free. My leg is... not happy. BUT! On the bright side, she was completely fine. It was incredibly embarrassing, though. I mean, come on. I dropped an old lady. I know accidents happen-- I just don't want them happening to ME. Poor old lady. I must say, the whole thing was a rather undignified and an unfortunate way to start the day.

Creepy or Kind?

So as anyone who read the last post may have gathered, I'm functionally moved into my new apartment (though I've by no means completed the process). I'd been sleeping on the sofa, but yesterday I got a (sweet deal on a!!)mattress and so I slept in my new, great bargain, queen-sized bed for the first time. It was huge and kinda scary, actually. I'm so used to twin beds pushed lengthwise against walls, not spacious, open to the room queenies... I felt so vulnerable.

And then at 2:30am I got a call from my landlord. He has security cameras set up on the parking lot that you can check online (www.fubars.net) and had noticed that I had left the dome-light on in my car... for hours. So he was calling me so my battery wouldn't be dead when I got up in the morning to drive to my exam. Pretty dang nice of him, really. Though a little weird... because he clearly seemed uncomfortable, either with calling me that late or admitting he was watching the camera like that. Don't get me wrong, I was INCREDIBLY grateful for the call... it just made me uncomfortable that he was uncomfortable. No harm no foul right? (Did I use that expression right?) But whatever-- pretty dang nice of him!

Then this afternoon while I was at school they moved in a new stove. When I first came they had a small-sized stove, and small-sized fridge. In our 2+ hour conversation when I was first checking the place out I had mentioned to him and his wife that I wanted to get into bread baking. So in the meantime they decided I needed a stove without a pilot light (particularly one that goes out a lot, whatever that means), and a full-size one at that. Which is incredibly nice of them seeing as how I don't have any idea how pilot lights work. Certainly not anything I ever would have expected or even regretted not having, but am very happy about. So he told me they were doing this and he was going to sell the old one on craigslist and it would be all happening on Friday (today) a while ago, but then when he called later to confirm he mentions he decided to get us a new fridge too. Which again-- I'm not complaining about. While they are larger, I suspect that the older ones we had were not particularly energy efficient to begin with. Pretty cool deal.

So they moved everything in, and when I came home I had a brand spanking new fridge and stove. Woo hoo! What's more, I noticed he set the clock for me. And he had brought down a table/chairs (pretty nice ones, too) from the attic, and assembled it for me to use. And when I moved it slightly to accomodate a wooden microwave cart, I noticed he had also cut out a number of little squares of cardboard under one of the feet of the table to perfectly balance the table for me. And then I went into the other room. I had gotten two standing lamps at Target the other day (woohoo! 2 for $15!) because there aren't any overheads other than in the bathroom and kitchen. I had assembled one of them- but I'd done it wrong because I hadn't bothered with the directions and hadn't had the time to fix it. Well he fixed it. AND assembled the other one, AND arranged them tastefully in different areas of the living area to maximize lighting. Clearly well thought out, because he didn't even leave the one I had in its original spot. Oh, and all the garbage from these and the plastic garbage from my bedding? He took all that out for me. Basically he came in like an elf in a workshop and totally made things nicer for me-- it was delightful discovering it all. Oh, and he indisputably vaccuumed, as well.

But.-- I hate saying "but" there.-- But I'm fretting about it. Maybe he's throw-back to the good old days when people did nice things for each other. I'm very hopeful that he is: I never got any creepy vibes in person with him. But then again, in the world I've come to know such behaviors from a man towards a female living someplace alone are highly suspect and creepy at best. And I HATE that about myself. Why the heck am I being paranoid and unsettled about this? Why are red flags going off because my landlord was thoughtful and attentive? Is it just because I'm alone here and there have been some other sketch things so far? (Not with him, though.) I don't know. My voice of reason is helplessly putting up its hands and shrugging.

I'm a terrible person for doubting his kindness at face value. That's no way to live your life. Then again-- how stupid would I be if I ignored my instinctual concern and it served to be right?

Then again? Pssh. I'm just being a loony. If Matt was here and Phil was around, I know it wouldn't phase me at all. I'd just be raving about how sweet my landlord is. So yeah. I'll just lay low until I'm not a free radical anymore.

In the meantime, however. I've had priests strongly recommend, even insist (that one was Fr. Michael...hehe... who'd have guessed?) that I obtain some sort of weapon if I was going to live by myself or without any related males around. Granted, I didn't take his advice because I simply couldn't see myself resolving a conflict in that way... but lately I'm wondering if I'd have a lot more peace of mind if I did. When push comes to shove, you'll resolve a conflict however you need to (within moral boundaries). And no, Phil, I'm not talking about guns here even though Fr. Michael was. Hmmm. Maybe I don't really know what I AM talking about either, though... I can't decide. But yeah. Whatcha guys think about such things? I have to be honest, this neighborhood is not quite as safe as I thought it was. Between the empty hard-alcohol bottles deposited practically on my doorstep, the drunk young punk hooligans hollering and stuff in the street after dark, the police raid on my immediate next door neighbors involving shutting down the whole street for a couple blocks, and the cops "hiding" parked in junker cars I've been noticing lately, "peace of mind" is not exactly a given at the moment. It's fine during the day, it's just once dark hits that it becomes an issue really. Anyway. It's just been on my mind.

Sectional Sofa

Here is the new addition to my new apartment:

That's not my apartment, though. It's the lady I got it from's; I haven't taken pictures yet. But I'm still pretty happy about it. It has some damage and it's actually more of a cream color than that white, but it's incredibly comfy and I'm hoping to rejuvenate the leather in time after I've done the appropriate (and necessary) research. I just slept on it this afternoon-- Mmmm. Not bad. Not bad at all. Certainly much better than our green floral one with cushions that slide off every which way such that you're practically surfing in your sleep. Also, it's not green floral. Looks like I'm getting over the granny phase.