So painfully awkward...

I was cringing with laughter when I was shown this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4efMlD3xEw

What I learned from V for Vendetta

1. Guns are bad.
Our hero has about everything that is censored, forbidden or controlled by the government -from great works of art to butter- except for guns. Not one of the sympathetic characters ever uses a gun. Not quite sure how this reconciles with the observations "[only one thing] happens when people without guns stand up to people with guns" and "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

2. People in the entertainment industry who use their "art" to mock or discredit their evil governments are courageous heroes.
But if the evil totalitarian government against which they protest actually does something about it (like fucking kills them), they have every right to be shocked and appalled.

3. Killing in defense of self or others is bad. Cold-hearted vengeful murder is ok.
Our hero uses non-deadly force to neutralize rapist thugs when he shows up to save Evey (his most violent blow is dealt to an already helpless non-threat with his pants down.) On the other hand, he does not hesitate to kill in her sleep an old woman who has repented for her past evil.

4. Torture is ok as long as it's for a greater good.
Look, don't question us on the specifics here. Torture is ok when we say so. Otherwise it's horribly evil. So far, the only general rule seems to be that pathetically ineffectual torture is better.

5. Murderous, irrational hatred of homosexuals is a tenet of conservatism.
There's just no way around it. If you want to be a conservative you have to hate gay people. And don't be trying to just hate homosexuality either. No, you actually have to want to hunt down and kill the gay people.
That's evil, by the way. Gays are wonderful, beautiful people suffering from society's horribly unjust rejection and persecution. Also note that while Catholic priests and bishops are fucked up pedophiles (not to mention evil) they aren't gay pedophiles.

...and the final, most important lesson learned from V for Vendetta: It's not terrorism if there's fireworks.

What the hell has happened to this country?

Patton's speech

"American's play to win all the time... America has never lost and will never lose a war, because the very though of losing is hateful to Americans."

Fight to win, America.
Stop wishing for and easy way out. Pay no heed to the fools and the liars who say that we need to end this war. The only end of war is victory. Anything else is not an end but retreat. Do not give aid and comfort to the enemy by wavering in your resolve. Already, battles are lost in Washington and in the press. Real battles; and with them, real lives. A widespread and resolute determination to win this war can change its course in our favor.

"Pacifism is objectively pro-fascist. This is elementary common sense. If you hamper the war effort of one side, you automatically help out that of the other. Nor is there any real way of remaining outside such a war as the present one. In practice, 'he that is not with me is against me.'" -George Orwell

The Enemy

Hillary Clinton: how to lose a war

3 ways to make a fool of yourself in front of your landlord

1) Come skipping into the house singing "It's a Beautiful Day in the NeeiiIiighborhood..!!" at the top of your lungs and run smack into him.

2) Get caught in a pink frilly shirt in 10 degree weather using a hammer to bang on a screwdriver that's applying pressure on the the radiator cap you're too weaksauce to unscrew which you immediately follow with a victory dance and peals of childish laughter just to turn around and see him standing their scratching his head looking at you in utter confoundment. Drop the hammer in embarrassment and spill the anti-freeze on the driveway.

3) Forget you're wearing a green mask (Yes. I'm 24 years old and I still haven't outgrown acne.) all over your face and neck and go traipsing down the basement to the shared laundry-facility in your duplex and not register the source of the shock and embarrassment on his face until after he's walked quickly away.

Or if you're really ambitious, you can do all three in one day like me!

Sigh.

The Opal Ring and The Devil

That last post reminds me of something...

Okay, so I guess there is a counter-argument for why I shouldn't get Grams' ring. And that argument lies in the story of The Opal Ring and the Devil.

My sister Liz had an opal ring from the guy she dated in highschool, a really beautiful one. When they (finally) broke up he let her keep it, but she felt odd wearing it, especially once she started seeing someone else. Being a fantastic, wonderful older sister, she let me have the ring.

I loved it.

I used to wear it all the time, but then one night I had a dream. In my dream the Devil was there and he wanted the Opal in my ring and I wouldn't give it to him. I mean seriously, if the Devil asks you for something, would "Yeah, sure! Lemme get it for you!" be YOUR response? It's a total differnt story than a mugger or some skeeze on the streets. So right, he got angry at me and was trying to take it anyways, and we started quarreling. But I guess that was too lame for him and he wasn't making progress fast enough, so he pulled out a chainsaw and was using it to remove the Opal from the setting in the ring while it was on my finger?? (It was a dream, mind you. Or was it?) There was screaming and loud chainsaw noises and tiny shiny metal bits flying everywhere and lots of confusion, and that's all I remember.

When I woke up I was a little shaky- who likes dreaming about the Devil? But then I looked down at the ring- still on my finger!- and guess what was missing?? The freaking Opal! The ring and setting were still there, but no opal. I'm dead serious about this. Ask my family. So I start screaming and babbling and blubbering and tearing through my bed sheets and pretty much every nook and cranny of my room trying to find it. No Opal. No one could find it ANYWHERE. It was there the night before when I brushed my teeth, but now the next morning after the Devil robbery it was missing. Pretty crazy.

So yeah, if you were irrational and superstitious I guess you could make an argument that I shouldn't get the Gramma Ring, especially considering how much more valuable it is- the Devil might covet this one, too. But that's only if you're superstitious and irrational.

Gramma's Ring

So my mom finally found the ring my Grandma left to her when she passed away last fall that's been lost all this time.

I think I should have it.

Okay, so I don't have a much of an argument for why I should have it other than that it fits me, looks nice on my hand, and I totally love it. But hey, just cuz I don't have all the answers doesn't me I'm wrong! Well, I guess there is a LITTLE more to it than that. I'd appreciate it the most, and it's just going to sit in a box in some drawer otherwise. Just because it's valuable doesn't mean it shouldn't be used, does it? What's the point in having nice things if you don't get to enjoy them? Besides, I've always wanted to be a jewelry kind of girl but never could justify spending money on something so frivolous. That and it's an HEIRLOOM. Do you have any idea how many things of my grandparents are in my house simply because they used to belong to my grandparents and I'm crazy about such things. I love heritage. I love using things around that have a story, that have meaning beyond their immediate purpose. This, I believe, makes me a prime candidate for the possesorship of the ring. She can still OWN it, so long as I can wear it. And perhaps this doesn't outweigh the fact that it was left to my mother, not me, long before Grams even died, but my mom doesn't even LIKE this ring and even went so far as to talk about maybe having it appraised, disassembled, and made into earrings and a necklace. ?!?!???? And some spluttering is all I have to say about that.

At any rate, some sort of compromise was made. She says I can wear it whenever I come over to their house and she'll consider leaving it to me when she dies. Small consolation, in my opinion. Now's when I want it and will appreciate it most, and I'm not over there THAT often! I wonder if it's just a lure to get me to come over more often... Either way, I guess it's something. Maybe I'll still talk her into it yet.

Everybody say a prayer she doesn't destroy something so precious in the meantime. :P

Never Quit the Fight

A collection of articles by Ralph Peters, retired intelligence officer, about Iraq, the war on terror generally, the US armed forces and the strategic concerns that should be shaping our preparations for future war. I recommend it if you would like to see a different perspective from the usual news media coverage of Iraq, find yourself unsure of how much you really care or just enjoy thinking about these sorts of things. As suggested by the title, Peters' message is optimistic overall but not blindly or naively so in most areas. I won't say he's the pure and stainless voice of objective reason but his relative independence from the Bush and anti-all-that-is-Bush factions is a much better background for analysis, praise and criticism of that administration's actions.
So yeah. Read the book, be more informed and more certain that quitting is the wrong answer. In this war your determination to fight and win is much more valuable than all of our high-speed technoweapons.

EDIT. EDIT. EDIT.
ok. so i wrote all that before i actually finished the book. and yeah, i have to add a few things. firstly, the..mk gmltn (spluttering angry not quite finding the words)

Fucking pro abortion son of a kbh ,v. Ralph Peters thinks that killing babies is cool. bastard.
so yeah. plus once he's moved out of the military sphere he develops a bunch of stupid crap, the warning signs of which i pretty much ignored- belief in religion not in God, Darwinism, other bleh crap.'
...k
I'm tired and pissed and don't have much to say that is coherent. Basicly, I'm not really recommending that anyone go out and buy this book anymore. There's still some worthwhile stuff in there so if you happen to stumble across a copy or have the opportunity to steal one or spit on the stuid author. yeah.
meanwhile, goodnight.

Attention, passengers

We are now landing at Fort Benning, Georgia. A list of connecting flights follows: flight 310 to Kuwait boarding at gate A in 30 days, flight 311 to Kuwait boarding at gate A the following day, flight 312 to Kuwait...(through flight 315.) We do hope you enjoy your layover and would like to take this opportunity to invite you to spend much of your stay at one of the many drinking establishments in the greater Columbus area. And on behalf of the entire crew, thank you for flying US Army Air.

Seriously though, our pilot got to do something he's probably dreamed of doing since he started flying commercial planes. When he tried to start the engines, the APU failed and the plane lost all power. So after it reset a couple of seconds later he turned on the intercom and said, "Oh my gosh, we're all going to die." Granted we were still on the ground, but still. One of the advantages of flying military charter flights I guess.

Self-Awareness sucks.

I've noticed something really unnerving about myself. The more pure and good and holy I percieve someone to be, the worse I want them to think of me. I'm disagreeable and irrational and disgraceful when I speak to them. *I* don't even like myself around them. But then when I'm with naughtier people, I really want them to like me and try to be pleasant and good? I find that really disturbing. I'm really dissapointed in myself. How the hell do you fix a habit like that? And do other people have this problem?

I'm goin' ta Sacramento!

... and in just two weeks! Good friends and warm weather, here I come. :)

How I keep myself entertained at work.

Today at work as an act of rebellion against perverse notions of what good customer service is, and for my own personal enjoyment, I practiced staring people down.

Usually for at LEAST one out of every three contracts I write, there's a personal question like "What's your employer name?" or "May I have an alternate phone number?" that the customer doesn't want to answer, but it's our policy to obtain that information. So usually I give some polite excuse for why we need that information that's never the real one (we don't trust you with our car and need more information in case you steal/damage it) and coax them into telling us what I want to know. It's not a big deal, but they ALWAYS need coaxing and it's tedious and I get bored with it.

So instead I just repeat the question and stare at them with an empty half-smile that says "I don't particularly care about whatever you're bitching about and you're going to do as I say either way because I'm the one who has what YOU want, so oh well! :)" I of course only do this when there aren't any managers around. Also, sometimes if they're being particularly rude and snappy, I'll calmly hand their drivers license and credit card back to them immediately after repeating the question and step back a little. So it looks like I'm silently saying "I'm not going to rent to you unless you do as I say. Oh, and by the way? I'm in control." But in reality? I've really just already finished with their cards and don't need to see them anymore. Hehe. It's actually been really effective. And know what else? Funny thing is it helps with sales! It's like I've established myself as the alpha-dog, so they do what I say.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think this is necessarily good customer service on my part. I only pull this sort of thing on bitchy customers who're taking out their lost luggage and delayed flight anger on me by being difficult. Most of the time they don't really even care, they just want something ANYTHING to gripe about. Once they've established themselves as assholes... I just feel so comfortable having my own fun.


Sometimes I wonder if I live a really sad life. I also think I think too much. Sigh.

It's... so...... coooooold.

I am so excited. A friend of Matt's gave us her heated mattress pad today. I will never wake up shivering again!!

Seriously, it's been in the negatives this week, with wind chill so insanely cold that you find your body involuntarily spasming just from being out in it a minute or so. At least mine does. I mean seriously. We couldn't even wash the rental cars at work in the heated car wash because all the same they turn to iceballs and by the time we drive them up to the airport all the doors are iced shut and the windows glazed over. And then there's poor old me. It really doesn't help my intense aversion to the cold that my car's heater core is broken, either. This means that as I'm shuddering and spasming with cold I have to turn the freaking air (yes, -5 degree air and colder) on intermittently to counter-act the fogging effect of my breath before it freezes to the windshield making it impossible to see. Every day. For at least a 25 minute drive. Several times. It's ridiculous. I have to use the windshield scraper on the windows on the INSIDE of the car, too. Sigh. Time's like these I pretend I'm Orphan Annie and sing "It's a Hard-Knock Life" to keep my spirits up.

But least now I can sleep warm. Sleep is the greatest.

I'm gonna go pre-heat my bed now...

Over-easy eggs

So my brother Matt and I go through a lot of eggs. I mean seriously, they're high in protein and dirt cheap. I'm a big fan of over-easy eggs with a slice of hearty wheat toast, but the problem is over-easy eggs are pretty hard not to butcher. In fact, fried eggs in general are pretty hard to do and not break the yolk or have them look ugly, unless you're doing them over-well and don't have good tasteor sense in the matter. So Matt, my resident egg-guru has instructed me in the art of frying my eggs, and I think I can safely say I've finally mastered it.

I'd like to share the process with you so you can also be competent eggs preparers and never have to be embarrassed by having to serve someone a misshapen, yolk-broken, nasty fried egg. It's quick, it's easy, it's difficult not to do right, and results in perfect fried eggs every time.

First, you preheat your pan and spray it with no-stick cooking spray. You want it hot, the burner should be on 7 or 8, and the egg should sizzle when you drop it in.

Second, once you drop your egg in and it's sizzling, drop the heat down to three or four. Immediately following this drop a few tablespoons water in the pan all at once and cover it up with a metal lid/cover right away. The steam from the water trapped under the lid makes the whites of the egg frost over the yolk, cooking it through and through without leaving slime on top, and also making it so you don't have to flip it and risk breaking the yolk or damaging it's shape.

It should cook in just less than a minute for a perfect over-easy egg, and slightly more for over-medium. If you want them over-well, I have nothing to say to you other than quit wasting eggs. You might as well hard-boil them. Anyways.

That's all I have to say on that, I wish you luck in all your egg-cooking endeavors.

As a side note, as of this afternoon I've officially mastered the art of making chicken/shrimp fried rice. Lemme know if you need any pointers.