I swear, all elderly people are on crack.
Today at work I was:
1. Told I was beautiful.
2. Told I was a ***damn indian b***h. (It's a real shame how so many old people are incredibly racist, yet unable to distinguish between races.)
3. Peed on. Literally. Just straight up peed on. Whatcha gonna do.
4. Hugged.
5. Scratched.
6. Told to "Go to hell."
7. Kissed.
8. Slapped.
9. Told I was gentle and would make a great mother.
10. Told, "Wipe my damn butt off. And no funny business about it." Can we say awkward.
11. Told, "Don't be scared to wipe my butt, sweetie. Get in there really good." Even more awkward.
12. Told, "I thought you were an angel!" by sleepy old lady.
13. Told, "Go back to Africa!" Different person. Again, racist. Again, unable to distinguish between races.
14. Told, "Scratch my left (butt) cheek, will ya?"
15. Told, "I love you!" At least 20 times.
16. Escaped an attempt at being bitten.
17. Begged not to leave.
Seriously. It really does a number on you after a few hours or so.
Working at Nursing Homes is like being trapped in Oz or Wonderland, but with a lot more butts. I wonder if there's an online quiz that'll tell you what kind of old person you'll be. I think I'm gonna be pretty damn crotchety, just for kicks...
1. Told I was beautiful.
2. Told I was a ***damn indian b***h. (It's a real shame how so many old people are incredibly racist, yet unable to distinguish between races.)
3. Peed on. Literally. Just straight up peed on. Whatcha gonna do.
4. Hugged.
5. Scratched.
6. Told to "Go to hell."
7. Kissed.
8. Slapped.
9. Told I was gentle and would make a great mother.
10. Told, "Wipe my damn butt off. And no funny business about it." Can we say awkward.
11. Told, "Don't be scared to wipe my butt, sweetie. Get in there really good." Even more awkward.
12. Told, "I thought you were an angel!" by sleepy old lady.
13. Told, "Go back to Africa!" Different person. Again, racist. Again, unable to distinguish between races.
14. Told, "Scratch my left (butt) cheek, will ya?"
15. Told, "I love you!" At least 20 times.
16. Escaped an attempt at being bitten.
17. Begged not to leave.
Seriously. It really does a number on you after a few hours or so.
Working at Nursing Homes is like being trapped in Oz or Wonderland, but with a lot more butts. I wonder if there's an online quiz that'll tell you what kind of old person you'll be. I think I'm gonna be pretty damn crotchety, just for kicks...
Labels: awkward, lists, Nursing Home, Paranoia, work
posted by mags at 7:45 PM
3 Comments:
I'm glad I don't have your job. But I guess it does have its perks... like being freaking hilarious. In retrospect perhaps, but hilarious nonetheless.
i don't blame those old folks, babe...
If i were in a nursing home, i'd want YOU to wipe MY butt (sexy jungle cat growl)
This is all really amazing... REALLY amazing. How could you ever get bored ?
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