Got jokes?
Thanks to countless hours spent on guard with little else to do, I have finally become a passable teller of jokes. Unfortunately, it didn't take too many of those countless hours for me to exhaust my rather small supply and recirculate all the jokes I could get from others in my platoon. And so I come to you, dear reader. Please help rejuvenate our joke pool. You'll have my gratitude and that of many others who will be less bored.
In compensation I offer-
The one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac; he stayed up all night wondering if there is a dog.
In compensation I offer-
The one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac; he stayed up all night wondering if there is a dog.
posted by phil at 4:20 PM
4 Comments:
Hmm... well, here's one that my husband told me yesterday morning that horrified me at first- I was a little slow on the uptake...
Background: Husband is a financial advisor/stockbroker type
Him "So I got a call from one of my clients yesterday- you haven't met him - and he tells me he's been so worried about the way the market's been going that he actually called a suicide hotline! (This is where I am horrified). Yeah, so I guess the hotline was really understaffed so they transferred his call to a call center in Pakistan! (Me: WHAT??) So I asked my client 'What did the call center guy say to you?' and he said 'All he could ask me was if I could drive a bus'.
To be used as an absolute resort, preferably when drinking or insensible from lack of sleep:
What is green and has four wheels?
Grass. (I was lying about the wheels.)
Possibly the best joke ever....
I got a couple for you...
#1:
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”
#2:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
#3:
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
those were pretty good. not laugh out loud, but clever.
I have the hardest time remembering jokes to tell them the right way.
So, here are a couple short ones:
1) So, a termite walks into a bar. sits down on a stool, and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
and this is my personal fevorite --
2) Q: What did the famous Indian Chief Geronimo say when he jumped out of the plane?
A: "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..."
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